Past Imperfect
by Marty78
Summary: Everyone has demons in their past that they're afraid of facing. After his imprisionment, can Seifer deal with his? QuistisSeifer RinoaSeifer
1. Concrete Angel

Past Imperfect  
  
Disclaimer: Seifer belongs to Square. So do all the other FF 8 characters. Otherwise, they belong to me and you can't have them!  
  
Chapter One Concrete Angle  
  
_Through__ the wind and the rain, __She stands hard as a stone, In a __world that she can't rise above, B__ut her dreams give her wings, __And she flies to a place, __Where she's loved, Conc__rete angle_

Martina McBride  
  
I as sit here, alone, and think about life, I wonder why things turned out as they did. Could I have done something to alter the outcome, or was I destined to be stepped over, forgotten? They wouldn't have gotten anywhere without me, but none of them will mention my name.  
  
My name's Seifer. I'm just about as famous as Squall Leonhart or Rinoa Heartilly/Caraway/Leonhart, or whoever she's pretending to be now. My name will never be honored like theirs, the Sorceress and her Knight. My name will be cursed, used as an idol for punk gangs and psychotic druggies.

You might know me by one of my various nicknames. Bully. Asshole. Traitor. Sorceress' lapdog. Those are just names and ames don't make who you are.  
  
My life starts about 19 years ago on a windy night. My mom had to give birth to me in our shack with the help of our neighbor. My dad was out drunk again, probably with a prostitute from the local tavern.

So I was born. Like any other kid, I guess. I was named too. Seifer. Great. Whoopee. At first I was just like a new toy. The whole "Look at his tiny toes and hands and fingers and feet and every other tiny thing on a baby." Shit, I was a baby. Things are tiny on a baby. Nothing new there.  
  
Anyway, things got old fast and I had to begin a life of my own. It isn't like Momma didn't try hard. She did. The only person in this damn world who every really cared for me. We never had any money, and Mom spent most of her time doing odd jobs around town, so I had to find other ways to keep myself occupied.  
  
Mom made all my clothes from scraps of cloth her employers gave her. As part of her job, she did a lot of sewing for the wives of wealthy military men. Her work rivaled that of any name brand from Esthar, but the only thing that guaranteed sales was the cheap labor and the low price.

She tried her best to keep me clothed and fed, but there was only so much respectable work a woman in Deling could find.

Dad, of course, was a bastard in the purest meaning of the word. He always came around when Mom got back on her feet, when she had made enough money to feed us regularly. He would come on to her, like she was one of his whores, whiskey on his breath. He would force my pretty mother to give in to him right there in our living room, tears and all, then beat the crap out of her. I spent most of my childhood shivering on the stairs, praying Dad wouldn't kill Mom. I hoped that, just like a toy he'd get tired of her, like he had gotten tired of me. His social position never allowed him to.  
  
He was a General in the Galbadia army and a lot of pressure was placed on him to uphold a solid family life. He had a wife and a kid, so it wouldn't be right to abandon them. Especially during the Sorceress Wars. 

We had so many chances to leave, but Mom never took them. When ever I questioned about why we stayed, she'd get mad at me and say, "Seifer, if I leave, he will have nothing left. I'm all he has. We are." I was too young to question any further.

When the Sorceress War started up, sewing jobs for Mom became few and far between. The poor people who lived around us paid Mom in food stuffs and other materials for small services. Although nobody had anything to share, they all knew we had no other means of survival. 

Hard times had fallen on everyone.  
  
Except for Dad. In a time when all the world was fighting for survival, he and his soldiers prospered. After a successful military campaign, the company would return to Deling to celebrate and the young men would bring their families to parties and forget about the war for a short while.

As he was the general, he was forced to bring his wife. Once every few months, he would stop by our hovel bearing gifts. He would present Mom with a dress made for the silk of rare bugs and beg her for forgiveness. Mom's eyes would tear up and she would cave. Every damn time.

After the parties ended and a new battle began, Mom would pawn her dress for the fraction of its original price and buy us a few necessities. Sometimes, if she had any extra money, she would buy me some candy or a nice toy, or some art supplies for herself.

Mom had been an aspiring artist before she married Dad, with prospects in several well known art galleries. She had even helped some man in Dollet design some trading cards for the local giftshop.

She could have been famous, but an older Galbadian solider had wandered into town and seduced her with his promises and dreams.  
  
My Grandma always told me she tried to discourage her from acting so hasty, by my mom was too strong a person. So she left and was destroyed.  
  
My Grandma was one of my few rays of sunshine. She used to visit when I was really young, back when my Dad was just starting out. He would take Mom out to parties and Grandma would watch me. Whenever he got promoted to general, everything changed. Under his hasty actions, his troops were ambushed and many of his friends died. He escaped unharmed. Not because he fought bravely, but because he sacrificed his squadron and ran.

He came home and bragged about how brilliant his strategy was, and how the enemy never saw it coming. Then the drinking started. Grandma left and told my mom she wasn't going to visit any more. She said she couldn't watch the horror unfold in our house, but if we ever needed a place to go we were welcome at her house, in Timber.  
  
Mom said that drinking was Dad's way of coping with his pain. I didn't ever dare argue, because she believed he was a good man. She said that he had seen horrors that a boy like me could never imagine. He had things to deal with that could scare me to death. And that he needed her more than ever.

When I was four, I had my first solid memory, the basis for dreams for years to come. I would walk through town and see so many happy families together. They were always laughing and holding hands. The mothers always had nice puffy dresses and little bags. The fathers always had gold pocket watches on chains stuck in their front pockets, and the children were always sucking on a lollipop bigger then their heads.

It was like a rubber stamp that you could use on most any family in Deling. I never wanted to be a part of them though. They were fake, I felt. They where weak people who were afraid to show real feelings and hid behind their happy masks.  
  
That was the one good thing about Dad. He never hid his feelings. He always told you exactly what he felt you were. On good days I was "Spineless crybaby" and on a bad day, well that list could go on and on. There were many more bad days. I always thought I was being raised strong. That I was blessed and that other people were missing out on the great lessons General Almasy had to teach.  
  
As the war picked up speed, Dad found himself being stuck in Deling for strategy meetings. His life was good for moral, the government decided; he had to stay away from immediate danger. So, unfortunately, we had more visits from him.

We moved uptown and were guaranteed three meals a day, but that was hardly worth the price we had to pay. Mom was put up on a pedestal and was constantly being pushed into the public's view.

Dad stopped drinking, but starting beating Mom more regularly. He always planned the beatings, which, to me, seems worse then acting out of passion. Still, he couldn't have his superiors suspecting him. She always had to be present at all of the formal gatherings, and she had to look happy.  
  
I got my first beating when I was almost five. A detachment under his command had been brutally defeated because of his failed strategy and he was furious. Not that it mattered. I eventually learned Dad didn't need a reason to be mad. That night he and Mom had a dinner to attend, so he took his blind rage out on me.  
  
He walked into the house and took off his belt, watery eyes focused on me.

"Y'know what the worst punishment, the worst torture is? Having someone explain what they are going to do before actually doing it. That's how you get information outa prisoners. You tell them what you're gonna do, then start to do it. An' ya have to exaggerate all the details. They give in before you're finished, guarantee."  
  
He advanced on me. I kept quiet.  
  
He smiled. "So, I'm going make you drop your pants and bend over. Then I'm gonna take this belt," he cracked it loudly, "and whip you till you bleed. The metal part here," He pointed to the buckle, "will bite into your skin and rip the flesh away. You'll fell like ya' got stung at first, so ya'll tell yourself not to scream, not to give me the pleasure of hearing you wail." He smiled as my eyes grew wide. "But ya'll cave as the pain builds. Ya'll give in. They always do." 

I stood petrified, afraid to breath. My eyes scanned the room, looking for an escape. He glared and snapped the belt again. "Mah anger is growing son. You won't like me when I'm angery. Now do it."  
  
Scared, I pulled down my pants and turned to face the wall the couch stood on. Bending over, I grabbed onto the rips in the fabric and held on tightly. I heard the belt whistle in the air as it landed on my behind, making a perfect welt across both cheeks. Then he made another above the first, then one below it.  
  
My hands ached from the stress I put on them, trying to pull myself into the tattered holes. When he stopped, I tried to talk. He stopped me.  
  
"Don't worry, boy. I ain't done. I'm waiting for the welts to rise, then I'll finish. This way, the pain will be more intense."  
  
After a few more minutes, he began again, the belt swishing and whistling over and over again. After a while, I gave up on holding my sanity and let instinct take over.

He left me passed out on the floor and went to find my Mom. They didn't need to hire a baby sitter that night. I wasn't going anywhere.  
  
Mom cried for me when they got home. She cried and rocked me back and forth. She promised me we would get out of there. She told me how sorry she was for letting this happen to me. Carefully she applied aloe to my bloodied bottom and wrapped scraps of cloth around my wound.  
  
He came by the next day to see her. She refused to let him in, so he broke down our weak little door. Then he hit her. I'll always remember the fight they had. The last fight they had.  
  
He surged toward me, like a tidal wave. He raised his hand and brought it down on my cheek so hard that I saw stars. His fist came at me again, but stopped when Mom stepped between us.  
  
"Stop, you'll hurt him." Her eyes were a fire, never mind this would earn her an awful beating when he was through with me.  
  
"You're forgetting your place, woman. He is my child." She never dared to stand up to him before. Or maybe she never had a reason.  
  
"Just don't hit him" _Mom loves me_.  
  
"This is my house; I'll do as I want."  
  
"No! I'll stop you!" _Mom_ _was standing up for me. Against Diablos himself._  
  
"Like hell you will!" _He'll hit her too._  
  
"I won't let you hurt him!" _Love_  
  
"Get out of my way!" _hurts_  
  
"No!" _but how could_  
  
"NOW!" _I help her if_  
  
"I won't!" _I could_  
  
"I'll kill you both!" _not even move, I had_  
  
"Run, Seifer," _to stay and help_  
  
"Damn you, this is my house!" _mom I_  
  
Then everything fell together. He punched her and her head snapped back. Her eyes rolled back into her head and she let out a small moan as she slumped to the floor. I crawled to her side and tried to help her sit up. She was barely breathing her eyes were fluttering frantically as she whispered. I leaned down so I could hear her, but was roughly jerked up by the color of my homemade shirt.  
  
"Get the hell away from her, boy!" He yelled at me. "She deserved what she got!"  
  
I stared into his emotionless eyes. He didn't care that she could die if we didn't get help. He didn't care that he was committing murder. He didn't care that he had destroyed the only person who could ever forgive him. I lowered my head in submission. I would not let Mom's sacrifice be in vain. He slowly placed me on the ground, sensing my defeat. I silently said goodbye to my mom, knowing that this was the last time I would see her alive.

Desperately, I tried to come up with a reason for his actions. With men like him, love was only about one thing: possession. And like a dog, when your possession starts thinking on its own, it must be destroyed.  
  
I had seen our neighbors kill some of their possessions. Like their dog Luke. His master kept kicking him and one day Luke decided he was fed up with it and bit his master. Convinced he was acting in the right of the law, he tied Luke to a stake in the yard and shot him. I connected Luke's death with that of my mother.  
  
I guess when he met Mom, he found her to be just as strong and determined as himself. This made her desirable. Her independence made her a challenge to control. Once he had her in his grimy grasp, he didn't want her any more.  
  
It was the same thing with war. After any battle was fought, any enemy defeated, he lost interest in the spoils, even if we sorely needed the money.  
  
I spent the next few weeks after Mom's death hiding from that man. At my mom's funeral he actually had the nerve to cry. He told everyone she "fell down the stairs." They all nodded sympathetically and comforted him. They all shook their heads and said "Poor clumsy woman. Not the first time she's fallen down. We all knew this day would come."  
  
Damn them all. How could they believe him? They had seen my mother. They had seen the scars all over her body. They had seen tears in her eyes she refused to shed. They heard the fear in her voice every time she spoke of Dad. Yet they believed him now. They believed my beautiful, graceful mother had fallen down the stairs. What had he ever done to earn their trust? Not a damned one of them deserved to be at Mom's funeral, but there wasn't anything I could do about it.  
  
In the weeks to follow, I was beaten more than regularly. How it was done depended on the occasion. If he was tired and it was a Monday, I got belting. However, if he had any energy, it was a run around-the-house-throw-what-ever-comes-to-hand-and-scar-your-son-for-life kind of beating. Those didn't come too often, but when they did, I always wondered if I would end up like Mom.  
  
At first, he never showed any emotion. It was like he wasn't there. His face would be expressionless like he was possessed by some demented spirit. I followed his example and attempted to remove myself. The pain would fade as I took myself away as he hit me. I went to where I could talk to my mom. She would hold me and cry for me. After time, he grew infuriated at my lack of pain. I had broken him. No longer was he emotionless. He would yell as he hit me, sometimes crying, sometimes laughing. Depending on how removed I was. He began to insult me as he did the deed.  
  
"You stupid little boy. You can't do anything right. You stupid boy. What's the matter, to stupid to stand up for yourself? Chicken wuss." I would just hang my head and accept the beatings, recording every sight smell and taste. Planning my revenge.  
  
Once in a while, I would go to the cemetery to put rose petals on my mom's grave. I couldn't afford to buy a whole rose, and Hyne knows that man would never give me money. Still, I knew she would appreciate the offer. Not like that man ever did anything for her.  
  
Her plot was decorate with a stone angle with an up turned face. Her name was written on a polished rock, a broken heart that the world forgot. As rain fell like tears, I found myself perched on her pedestal, sheltered under her wings. Emotion overcame me as rain fell around me and I cried along with the heavens.  
  
Eventually, he had to go back to work and decided that he had to take me. Guess he didn't trust me to be there when he got back. The only time he acted like a father was when he taught me to fight. I was training with a gun. Not too good for short ranges, but it could work. I'd be the six year old sniper. Great. I already was planning my first victim. Every word he told me, every stance he taught me was soaked in. He never thought his now brilliant little boy was plotting his murder. I wasn't taught to hold a gun. It was almost taller then me. Instead he placed it on a rock or a pile of rocks and had me aim at things from a distance. This was still 'useful' to him because I could be his assassin, his secret cover.  
  
I learned to brace myself for the recoil, how to squeeze, not pull, the trigger. I learned how to lead a moving target. I learned how to kill a living being. I learned all this in a matter of weeks.  
  
I couldn't wait for my first mission. In fact, I dreamed of it. I could see my father raiding another town and killing innocent people. Then there was me, hiding in the brush behind him. Him signaling me to shot the leader of whatever group he was torturing. Me adjusting the cross hairs till they were set on the back of his head. Then BANG! Game Over.  
  
Unfortunately, it never escalated to that point. A week after my first day on the field, dear old dad was killed by another sniper who apparently had his own loved ones to avenge. I thought I owed that sniper one. A man named Kinease. But whoops, right after he killed darling daddy dearest he was chased by my Dad's personal guard and he stepped on a mine and blew himself up. I felt no pain or sorrow for the loss of either man. My heart had already begun building a wall to protect its self. I didn't care.  
  
I had loved and lost and I couldn't even tie my own shoes yet. I had watched murder, felt pain and killed. I still wet the bed. I have lost both parents. I had war scars. I still sucked my thumb. Everyone has their problems, so I'm not complaining. People make mistakes. Stuff happens. Life is a game, you win some and you loose some. I know I had better start winning soon.

_heh. sorry about the Hulk quote. Couldn't help it._


	2. But I Will Be

Chapter 2

_I will be here, I will be strong, Face my fears, When the night is long, And still go on, I will be brave, I will be bold, Follow my faith, To a higher road, And I'm not there yet, But I will_ be 

Lila McCann

I got shipped off to an orphanage the day after Dad's funeral by a lady who Mom sewed for often. I knew that she was aware of the real reason of Mom's death. Living in the apartment beside us, she would have heard all the fights, the pleas. Still, she seemed more upset over the loss of my father than my mother.  
  
She attempted to act sympathetic when she talked to me, the orphan boy: "Oh, I'msosorryyoulostyourparents. IwouldtakecareofyoubutIdon'tlikechildren.Bye!" She greeted me, sympathized with me and ridded herself of me, all in one breath. What a nice old woman.  
  
I tried to tell her about my Grandma in hopes of a loving family, but she wouldn't listen. Turns out she held a grudge against my Mom. As her child, anything I said was a lie. Dad never beat Mom. And Grandma didn't live in Timber. She had died before I was born, silly boy.

I wanted to hit her, but refused to give in to my violent upbringing. I would be different from my dad. He would have no influence on my person.  
  
The lady waved at me as I climbed into a dark car. Reminded me of the car I rode in at both of my parents funerals. It fit, I thought. After all, they were being kind enough to burry my memories, sending me off to an obscure orphanage. Not letting me say good-bye to any of the friends I had made, or the places I visited. I wasn't allowed to say good-bye to my mother.  
  
I tried to talk to the driver, but he sat, like a statue staring straight ahead. I asked his name, but he still refused to engage in conversation. So I named him.  
  
"Your name is Bob." I stated, confidently.  
  
That got a laugh out of him. "Bob, huh. Sounds good. What's your name?"  
  
"Seifer."  
  
He nodded his head, pulling back into his shell. Like a turtle.  
  
"How are you going to get me to Centra?" I asked, not knowing anything about the continent.  
  
Apparently, he enjoyed this subject. "I'm driving you to a town called Winhill. From there, you will take a boat to a town just south of the orphanage."  
  
I sat back not wanting to talk anymore. I was being sent to the middle of nowhere. Out of sight, out of mind. I'd show them.  
  
I hated to admit it, but the orphanage sounded like a nice place. It was a lighthouse by the sea. A stone cell located on a continent in Centra. The closest town was a day's walk. There would be less people to bother me. I didn't count on there being other children.  
  
'Bob' left me at the sea side town, Moblitz. I was escorted by lady who was bringing supplies to the matron there. Reluctantly, I went with her.  
  
At the orphanage, a pretty woman greeted me. She was of medium height and had long black hair. She reminded me so much of my mom I hated her. "Hi Seifer. You can call me Matron, Mom, Edea, whatever makes you feel comfortable. Let's go meet some of the other kids."  
  
I held my breath, not entirely sure if I should be excited. I wanted to hate the whole orphanage experience, but if there were other kids to play with. . .

The six kids lined up in front of me, all anxious to return to playing in the Garden. Matron introduced them quickly. "Sefie, Irvy, Quisty, Zell, Ellie, and Squall."  
  
I hated them all.  
  
The lady from Moblitz and Matron went inside the building to arrange for the supplies. I continued to glare at all of the kids. They all stared at me, equally unfriendly.

Timidly, a brown haired girl stepped forward and grabbed my hand. "Hi. Your name is like mine. You can be Seifie too! Want to play? I have a castle in the flower garden."  
  
She smiled brightly and began to tug me in the direction of the house.

_Stupid boy.__ Why don't you go play with your dolls?_

I gritted my teeth and shoved her away from me. She tumbled sideways and landed facedown on the ground.

Carefully, she pushed her self up and brought a trembling hand to her nose. She looked at the blood, then up at me. She didn't cry. She just looked at me with her big green eyes. I saw no hate, no fear. Just confusion.  
  
Chaos ensued. Slowly I stepped back, glancing at the other kids. Matron came running out and was immediately ambushed by all the other kids who were scared, fearful, crying.  
  
"He hit her. The new kid hit Sefie."  
  
Matron picked Sefie up and carried her inside followed by one of the boys. A man came out a led me to an isolated room at the back of the orphanage.  
  
"We can't have you picking fights. You must be punished."  
  
_No! Don't kill mommy! Wait don't. . ._  
  
"You will stay here for the rest of the night. Matron will bring you dinner later."  
  
Shocked at the absence of a beating, I sat down and cried.  
  
I was determined not to ever show such weakness again. I hit a girl. One who tried to be nice to me. Then I cried about it afterward. I would never do it again. I wanted to apologize; but that was another tell-tale sign of a wimp.  
  
I spent most of my time in the bluffs that overhung the ocean or in the isolation room. I swear those kids were out to get me from the start. When I first got there, I know that I caused some trouble. I was determined to be a man and not a little boy like my father always saw me. I needed to prove my worth. And the only way to do that would be power. I'd show these punks who was the boss.  
  
I had to start with Selphie. Cute, shy little Selphie. The only one who tried to be my friend, and the first girl I actually liked being around. Her presence was soothing and her bedtime stories were legend as far as Moblitz.

Selphie always had a fascination with flowers and butterflies and crap like that. To tell ya the truth, her stories and imaginary worlds fascinated me. Girl stuff. I couldn't stand the nagging voice in the back of my head, taunting me. So when she built her fairy gardens, I would crush them. When she built sand castles on the beach to house the water imps, I would smash them too. I tore the heads off her dolls and called her names, all the while hating the sunshine angel.  
  
I did all I could to make her hate me, but I never got a rise out of her. Never once did she yell at me. Never once did she tell on me. She would look at me with her huge eyes as if asking why. Then she would leave, off to play in her land of fairy tales. Never did she seem to hate me. I loved her for that.   
  
Then there was Irvine. What a dork. He would always be there to try to protect darling Selphie from me. I was bigger and stronger than him but that didn't matter. He would still stand in my way, trying to buy his love another possible second in her dream land. I guess I admired him for that, but my hate went further than a dispute over Selphie.  
  
His last name happened to be Kinnease. I figured the guy who killed my father must be his dad or uncle, or brother. Some type of relative. I wanted to shake his hand, but whenever Kinease got close to me, I started to shake and wanted to hit him. It confused me at first, but I wanted Dad back. The man who killed my mom. The man who taught me how to hate. The man who beat me if my dreams didn't turn out right. The man who taught me how to be a man. I wanted him back.  
  
So what did I do? I punched him in the damn face every time I saw him. I hit him for my dad. And with every broken nose, every black eye, every bloodied lip, I was showing Dad up. I could say, "See, asshole, look what you turned me into." I know that doesn't justify any of the things I did, but still, it was right to me.  
  
Zell. Cry baby Zell. From the first time I saw him, he and I forged a treaty of hate. I wanted to kick his ass and he wanted to get me into as much trouble as was mortally possible. He was so scrawny and nice. Just like a good momma's boy should be.

Honestly, I was always afraid of him getting adopted before me. That would make me somehow less of a man then him. I always thought of him as a brother, but he never did like me. Running around like a wuss. This is where that nickname came from. Chicken wuss. That's how we all pick on people we care about. Picking the thing that is the exact opposite of what they are and turning it into there being. Like calling someone fat who isn't. Like calling a pretty girl ugly. It's all the same.  
  
Quistis. Hyne, she was beautiful even then. If Selphie was an angel, Quisty was a goddess. I wanted to bask in her glory, but she was always stuck on Leonhart. Either that or playing cards. She was the master. All she had was a tiny beat up deck of mismatched cards her dad gave her, but she could play. I never played her, but always watched, unseen. I never picked on her either. Perhaps because I saw resentment in her eyes every time she looked at me. I didn't need to make her hate me. She already did.  
  
Squall and Ellone. Couldn't mention one without the other. I was told they where related, but no one knew how or why they were here. It was just one of those things. When Ellone went away, Squall was a broken little boy, like a baby who lost his bottle or cat who lost its tail. I saw my chance and moved in for a kill. I would push him and call him names. I loved Squall and wanted to be like him. Strong brave and great. Who had someone to look up to, someone to love. But I wasn't, couldn't, and never would be, so I beat the crap out of him.

He would take it for a while and then start hitting me back. I was ecstatic at the retaliation. Quistis would always break us up before things got to deep. She would help Squall up and glare at me with her beautiful blue eyes and I was able to I earned more hate from them both.

Every week or so, Matron would gather all six of us up and along with Cid, we would hike out to Moblitz to get food and other things we needed. Matron always gave us a few gil to get some candy. Quistis and I were elected 'leaders' because we were the oldest. We would march down the street to the candy shop and plunk our money down. Then pick out whatever we wanted. Many times I suspected we didn't have enough gil for what we picked out, but the shop keeper accepted our money that we handed him so seriously and sent us on our way.  
  
I remember one time, when we came out of the shop with Quistis leading the way; an older boy was standing at the window.  
  
He strutted up to and pushed Quistis.  
  
"Whatcha got in the bag, girl?"  
  
I stepped in front of her. "That is none of your business."  
  
He had to have been at least ten and I was only six, but I still felt like I had to stand up to him. He punched me in the face and I retaliated as fast as I could and he found himself on his back with various bruises decorating his face. And wouldn't you know it; he started crying and drew a crowd.  
  
Matron hurried over and tried to calm the boy, but he kept yelling, "He was picking on me! He said he would kill me! I'm so scared!"  
  
I shook my head and tried to defend myself, but Cid grabbed my hand and started walking out of town. Soon Matron and the other kids caught up with us.  
  
Matron sighed. "I apologized for Seifer, but I'm not sure it did any good. I was asked not to bring him in town any more."  
  
Quistis stood up for me. "He wasn't picking on that boy, Matron."  
  
Selphie jumped up and down. "Yeah! It was the other way 'round"  
  
Matron sighed. "Yes, I know, but it's their town. We can't bother people. I'll just go by myself from now on."  
  
Zell pouted. "Now we can't have no more candy. Thanks a lot, Seifer."  
  
Matron stopped and faced Zell. "No, no, no Zell. Seifer was right to stand up for Quistis."  
  
"But all it got him was kicked outa town and a black eye."  
  
"Zell, if you don't stand up for yourself or other people, they will take advantage of you."  
  
"But Matron, Quistis might not ever see him again."  
  
Cid looked at Zell. "Listen, boy, she might not see him again, but if it's not that boy, it will just be someone else."  
  
Matron smiled. "I'll still buy you kids candy."  
  
Zell brightened considerably.  
  
On days she went to market, Matron let me watch movies on her old television screen. I always picked movies about magic and knights. Noticing my fascination, she gave me a book about knights one day. I would lie on the bluffs and dream about becoming one. I never wanted anything more than to be strong enough to protect those I loved. If I became a knight, I could be strong enough to love. To protect my angel and my goddess. To protect my family.  
  
But childhood dreams die and people move on. Sometimes people look back in regret and say I wish I had done that. I look back in regret and say I wish he didn't do that. I was proud to say that I never regret anything I did. It was never my fault. I see things differently now.  
  
Moblitz was leveled by a strong storm one day. The orphanage was forced to close because of lack of funds and supplies. We all had to leave. Quistis and Zell got adopted. Selphie went to Tribia. Irvine went to Deling. Squall and I went to a garden in Balamb that, ironically, was financed by Cid, Matron's husband.  
  
A whole bunch of new people to make hate me. 

_a/n - not my favorite chapter, but it gets better, promise!_


	3. Stop Your Crying

Chapter 3  
  
_Come stop your crying, it will be alright/ Just take my hand, and hold it tight/ I will protect you from all around you/ I will be here, don't you cry/ 'Cause you'll be in my heart/ Yes, you'll be in my heart/ From this day on/ Now and forever more_

---Disney  
  
On the train ride to Balamb, I got stuck next to Leonhart of course. The other passengers smiled at us as we walked to our room. We were just two little boys, alone on a military train, to a school that trains killers, walking to a SeeD car. Nothing unusual about that. Idiots.  
  
When we entered the room, Squall headed straight for the bench by the window. Glaring, I sat down on the bench closer to the door. While I sat there, staring at my shoes, he looked out the window, took a deep breath, and sighed. "Now sis won't know where to find me. I won't know how to find her."  
  
Surprised, I looked up at him. That was the most I had ever heard him say to anyone, as well as the stupidest thing I had ever heard out of someone's mouth. Grinning, I stood and crossed the room, stopping directly in front of him. "I bet she's gonna die. I bet she needs your help right now."  
  
He glared at me and rose to his feet. "You're lying!"  
  
I shrugged. "You're right. She must've just found herself a new boyfriend."  
  
His eyes flashed and he brought his fists up. "Stop it. I'll hit you!"  
  
I laughed, feeling a weight lift off of my chest. I needed this fight. I needed to prove I was stronger than he. Picking on his weaknesses took attention away from mine. And if he threw the first punch, nobody could say anything.

Smirking, I stepped forward, bringing my face to his. "Whacha gonna do about it, momma's boy?"  
  
Before I could blink, Squall had me on my butt.  
  
I never saw that coming. Squall had pulled back and knocked me in the center of my face before I could blink. Keeping my eyes on Squall, I brought my fingers to me face, feeling blood dribble out of my nose. Squall, trembling like a leaf, sat back down. We didn't talk the rest of the ride.

The next few years passed in a blur. At Balamb, I wasn't the biggest bully. I fought some of the older kids to release steam, but never actually won. I managed to pick up a few tips, and I ran around learning what I could. Quistis showed up around the time of my tenth birthday with vaguely familiar eyes.

She was beautiful and reminded me so much of a good friend I once had, but I didn't remember where I saw her. I wanted to talk to her badly, but the only thing I could think of was "Have we met before? You have beautiful eyes." That was a horrible pickup line, even in the mind of a little kid.  
  
Quistis was in many of my afternoon classes, always the star of every lesson. She could recite remedies in the order of their discovery before I could remember the side effects of antidotes.

The first time my magic instructor, Instructor Gaskin, took us to the training center, we were supposed to learn protection techniques. She put us into groups of three, picking random names for teams. Almasy, Leonhart, and Trepe were random enough for her.  
  
Since the train incident, Squall and I went our separate ways. We had always avoided each other and our age difference had usually kept us in separate classes. At the time, I couldn't remember why we were even on the train, figured it was on a field trip, but I remember that the last time we actually talked, he punched me.  
  
Anyway, there we were, Two ten year olds and a nine year old waiting to learn how to kill with a skill many thought immoral. What a wonderful place Balamb was. Still, I was psyched. I knew how to street fight, how to hurt other people. I just wanted to learn to kill. We stood in our groups of three and faced Inst. Gaskin.  
  
She clapped her hands to get our attention. "Ok. I'm going to give each of your groups five protect, five shells, three potions and one phoenix down. Use them to stay alive for the next two hours. SeeD members will be around if you need help. Remember if you see a T-Rexaur or any other monster, run. Do not attempt to fight these battles. Just use your spells to protect you until you get a chance to escape. I cannot stress this enough: I only have clearance to teach you how to protect yourselves." I swear she was looking straight at me when she said that.

I stuck my tongue out at her.  
  
She smiled and held up a watch. "Ok. Equip your GFs and start! Good luck."  
  
We all ran out into different parts of the center, several groups clustering around the entrance of the Center. Quistis immodestly took the lead of our group. "Now remember. This is a test. We need to work together. Though I don't understand why. . ."  
  
I rolled my eyes as I concentrated on equipping Carbuncle. "I don't understand why you can't shut up."  
  
She glared at me.  
  
We slowly walked into the deeper part of the center. None of the other groups went that far in. They were all gathered near the instructors as Inst. Gaskin tried to get them to be more adventurous, like us.  
  
When she has decided we were far enough in to earn top credit, Quistis stopped and looked around. "This lake has a lot of fumes and stuff. If we use our spells, we can get points for not getting poisoned."

Smiling at her brilliance, Quistis squatted down near the lake. "Look! Tadpoles!"

I was unable to help myself. As she leaned over to get a better look at the frogs, I pushed lightly on her back, causing her to lose her balance. She tumbled forward, falling into the shallow end of the pond.

Sputtering, Quistis rose out of the water and walked over to a rock. Wringing her hair out, she glared at me. "I don't see why you always have to be so mean to me. That was a real stupid thing to do."  
  
Rubbing my shoulder, I wandered over to the edge of the bridge, careful to avoid Squall. It was a joke; she didn't have to get so snotty on me. "I don't see why you have to be so bitchy." I said under my breath, thinking she couldn't hear me.  
  
Shivering, she looked up with tears in her eyes. Quickly, she lowered her gaze. "Yeah, well. . ."

Before she could lecture me on the proper conduct of a person taking a test, and the correct language one should use in this particular situation, another group rounded the corner.  
  
A large black boy was jogging toward us, breathing heavily. "Come on Fuu. Ya know. We gotta pass this thing ya know."  
  
A scary looking girl with amazing red eyes ran up behind him. "Slow down Rajin. This would be easier to stay in one place. I think we lost what's- his-name."  
  
Rajin looked around, searching for what's-his-name. "Ya, ya know. I think you're right."  
  
I glared and spun around almost ramming into Squall. I had almost forgotten he was there. Growing a slight bit territorial, I crossed my arms and barred their way. They would not take our spot, and they would not go any further into the woods.

Rajin smiled and held out his hand. "Hey, ya know. I'm Rajin and this is my buddy Fujin." He looked me up and down. "You must be Seifer. Mind if we stay here with you all? Kinda dangerous to be alone ya know."  
  
I sighed and uncrossed my arms. "I dunno."

Quistis stood up and stepped forward, standing in front of me. "Sure. I'd love for you guys to stay with us. We are safer in numbers and this lesson is about protection."  
  
Rajin's face lit up. "Really? That would be great." He frowned. "Why are you so wet?"  
  
I couldn't believe that Quistis had made such a serious decision with out my help. I know now that this wasn't such a big decision, but my ten year old self was enraged. I wanted to show Miss Priss up, but there wasn't really anything I could do.  
  
Rajin plopped down next to Squall and tried to converse with him. Squall glared and scooted further away. "Whatever."  
  
Bastard. I was mad at him too. How could he sit there and let our group be run over by weaklings? We waited for about fifteen minutes before I lost my patience with the group. Rajin constantly asked questions, Fujin's red eyes followed my every move, and Quistis smiled smugly at me. I started to pace. I couldn't take this anymore.  
  
"What do they think we are?!?! I have to find some action!"  
  
The smirk dropped off of Quistis' face. "Instructor Gaskin told us to practice protection. Looking for trouble isn't protection. I won't go. I don't care if you are my partner."  
  
I rolled my eyes. "So, the little teacher's pet wants to stay here. Predictable. Well, I know I can't stay here. I get stupider every single moment I'm around you." I picked up a stick and gestured to the rest of the team. "Let's go hunt us some T-Rexaur."  
  
Squall stood up excitedly and looked for a stick. "Do you think we could beat one, I mean with only sticks? The SeeD's have a hard time beating them with real weapons. I wish I had a gunblade. That would be awesome. We could really mess one up with gunblades!"  
  
Surprised, I handed him a pointed stick. That was a lot of words for one usually so quiet. I could tell he was put up with this sissy crap they had us doing. I could see the fire in his eyes as we prepared to set off, changing my opinion of him greatly.  
  
Swinging my weapon over my shoulder like a sword, I looked at Rajin and Fujin. "You guys wanna come?"  
  
Rajin stood up and helped Fujin to her feet. "Yeah. Can't miss any of the action ya know."  
  
I grinned at Quistis. "Looks like you are all by your lonesome sweetie, too bad. Good luck with your 'protection.'"  
  
We all ran over to the Secret Area. No one was there, just like I thought. All the SeeDs were taking the KO'ed students down to the infirmary.  
  
I felt somewhat guilty for leaving Quistis, but shit happens. Not everything can happen as you want it to. She wanted to be stuck-up and who was I to try and change that? I felt that, even then, I had no right to change another person. I lusted after something bigger.

Protection was for girls. That's why teams were co-ed, so that the girls could resurrect the guys. That's why I think I felt so guilty. Quistis is a girl and I left her. I though about going back, but then I heard a squeal. Spinning around I saw the biggest T-Rexaur ever wiping its foot of some unrecognizably animal. It might have been twenty feet, fifty feet, I don't know. What I do know is that I wanted it. I wanted to feel its blood course down my arm. I wanted his dead body at my feet. I wanted him to die slowly and painfully.  
  
I was like a little kid at a birthday party, trying to hit a piñata. But I was serious. So serious, I was ready to place my life and my new found friend's on the line. I didn't care about the outcome of the battle. I didn't care what would happen afterwards. All I cared about was the now. I felt removed from the fight. Like I felt when Father beat me. I was there, but really I wasn't.  
  
I gripped my stick tightly in my man-child hands and shouted to the others. "Let's get him!" Eyes wide with anticipation, I charged at the dinosaur. Glancing to my side, I saw Rajin and Fujin. They too had their sticks held at ready, anxious to help me defeat our first fiend. I couldn't see where Squall was, didn't care where he was, and didn't need to know. All I felt was heat. All I knew was hate. No fear. No fear. No...  
  
"You sure this is a good idea, ya know?" Rajin whispered, in awe of the gigantic beast in front of us.  
  
I didn't answer, didn't need to. I knew that he understood. This was not a good idea. We were stupid to even be in the same part of the Training Center as a T-Rexaur, let alone attempt to fight it with amateur weapons. But none of that mattered to us. It was here and so were we.  
  
Slowly the three of us panned out attempting to encircle the mammoth. I swear he was grinning at us, drool hanging off his lip. He toying with us, letting us play into his claws. No beast that big could be stupid enough to let a bunch of kids surround him. I couldn't see any of the others. I was vaguely aware of fear edging around my nerves, but it didn't consciously bother me. I was Seifer. Fear was a useless emotion that I didn't acknowledge.  
  
I leapt forward at a speed that surprised even me. A weird gurgle escaped escaped my throat, frightening me into moving faster. Powered by rage and fear, stuck my stick into the T-Rexaur's foot. He lifted his enormous feet and stomped around, me still latched on the stick. One violent shake later, my death grip loosened and I fell down hard. The dino, upset at apparently losing the upper hand, swung around wildly. He had nothing to fear, however, as he leveled Fujin in one swoop. I reached into my stock of magic, searching for shells, and felt Carbuncle come awake in the back of my mind.  
  
Fuzziness filled my mind as Carbuncle spoke to me, curiosity apparent in his voice. I ignored his questions and quickly cast shell on Fujin.  
  
"Seifer! Watch out, ya know!"  
  
I turned to see a massive tail swing in my direction me. I ducked and heard an "Oomph" as Rajin went down when the tail completed its circle. Breath escaping in terrified gasps, I collapsed out of weariness. That's when I saw Squall. He quickly cast protect on all four of us and cast blind on the T-Rexaur. As the bumbling giant lumbered around, Squall quietly crawled over to where I was trembling.  
  
Glaring, he poked me in the side. "Wuss. What the hell were you thinking? Shell? What kinda spell is that"  
  
I glared at him and pulled myself up. "Yeah, like you could do any better?" Nervously glancing in the direction of the T-Rexaur, I stood up and retrieved my stick.  
  
Squall rolled his eyes. "He can't see you."  
  
I grinned. "I know."  
  
I heard Fujin yelp, the Rexaur's teeth gnashing dangerously close to her head. She backed up until she was stuck against a tree. Her eyes met mine, and she pleaded for my help. I had to help her. My dream, my wish to protect those weaker than me. . .  
  
I ran to her side and protectively placed myself between her and her assailant. I could see Rajin KO'ed behind the dinosaur and Squall standing slightly to the side, not interfering. I don't know if he had suddenly realized the danger of our position, or if he understood that this was something that I had to do alone, to prove myself to my demons and inner self.

It didn't occur to me to use one of our potions to strengthen my injured arm, to revive Rajin, or to use Carbuncle as a shield. I didn't even think of removing Fujin from the line of attack. Slowly I raised my pointed stick and held it in front of me with one hand. I was ready for the bastard this time. Him being blinded didn't make any difference to me. I would take him down.  
  
The T-Rexaur roared and began to creep near me, sniffing the air wildly. I was ready. Suddenly, I heard a voice. "Seifer?!?"  
  
What I remember next always happens in slow motion. I turned slowly to face the voice and see Quistis standing there arms outstretched. Then I felt a sharp pain in my arm as the T-Rexaur grabbed hold of my stick arm and gave it a ferocious shake. A combination of Squall's protect and pure terror numbed the pain in my arm, but sharpened my other senses. The stick went flying from my hand and headed straight for Fujin. She screamed; in pain or fright, maybe both. Then for some strange reason, I was released, slipping into darkness.  
  
I woke up that night in the Infirmary alone. Alone? Yeah. Why not. I had no friends. The only possibilities were probably killed because of me. I was a failure, couldn't protect anyone. And I was stupid too. What kind of kid would go up against something fifty times bigger than him and conceivably expect to live, let alone win? I was just lucky.  
  
Lucky? If I was so blessed, fate would have killed me. For the first time in years I though of my mother. She saved me only to leave me alone. When a ten year old looses a fight to a bully, they need someone there to comfort them, but I had killed her. I had let her die. Now more were suffering because of mistakes that I was guilty of committing.  
  
I had to see Fujin, to see if she was alright.  
  
I walked to her infirmary room and saw her sitting on the floor, outlined in moonlight, crying. Half her face was wrapped in gauze as well as her arm.  
  
Slowly I walked and knelt beside her. "Hey, Fuu, you ok?" I could kick myself for how stupid I sounded. Of course she wasn't ok, and I had blatantly giving her a nick name after failing to protect her.  
  
She glanced up at me. Her mouth moved but no words came out. Shutting the door quietly behind me, I knelt down on the floor in front of her and offered her my arms. She wrapped herself around me and cried. I held her, willing her to stop, but she didn't. All in all, that was alright. It was good to be needed, to help ease someone else's pain.

I was strangely at peace with my demons.


	4. Loosen Up Those Chains

  
  
Chapter Four

_Some days you gotta dance/Live it up when you get the chance/Cause when the world/doesn't make no sense/And you're feeling just a little too tense/Gotta loosen up those chains and dance_  
  
--Dixie Chicks  
  
Quistis had gone directly to the Instructor when we began our little adventure. She thought that my ego might have gotten us into trouble, and as usual, she was right. Her intuition and Squall's quick thinking had saved our lives, but I didn't see it that way. I saw it as a bossy little know-it-all ruining my fun. It was my mission. I was my fight. So I had picked on her and called her names. Who could blame me? Here I was trying to be all big and bad and had my ass covered by a beautiful girl.

We drifted apart after that. I took a few swordsmanship classes in conjunction with a junctioning course and Qustis focused all of her attention on magic.   
  
Fuujin never did get the sight back in her eye. It had been pierced straight through. Bloody mess. We didn't ask beyond that. She was Ok with it and kind of liked the eye patch thing and the fear it struck into our classmates.  
  
Fuujin and I never did talk about what happened that night ever again. We both had opened up to each other in ways not even conceivable in the minds of a ten year old. It formed an unbreakable bond between us that would keep us together throughout our years at Balamb. We let Rajin join our posse because he was there. He was Fuujin's friend, and he had nowhere else to go.

We did a lot of things together, regardless of my thoughts about others. When a person thinks lowly of himself, a vibe is sent off to people surrounding you. I couldn't have people think that Seifer Almasy was a suicidal freak, so I used Rajin and Fuujin as my shield, my buffer. Their support and ability to pick up on my moods was an invaluable resource that I was determined to exploit. They never questioned why I did what I did, never asked me to change for them. In return, I did the same. We became closer than I had ever let anyone get to me before. We were real friends.  
  
I decided that I could not have any real friends besides Fuujin and Rajin. I hated the fact that people I loved could leave me and I couldn't do anything about it. Life was so short, so why get attached to things that you could loose.  
  
Sound familiar? Yup, I felt the same way as Squally-boy. Only I took a different approach to solving my problem. Instead of being an annoying recluse, I reverted back to my old tough city-kid way of living. I set out on my old quest. Objective: to make everyone hate me.  
  
It was easiest with Squall. I knew he wanted to be emotionally absent, so I picked fights, just to irk him, and I didn't get any shit like a normal little kid fight. He actually fought back, mumbling something about his sis. I always thought this strange. He never had a sister.  
  
Then a blond chick I vaguely remembered as Quistis would come and break us up. Saying "Stop it, someone could get hurt." I always felt strange at these moments and blew it off as those feelings you get when you're tired and aren't thinking straight.  
  
No matter what I forget, I know that the day I picked my weapon would always stay with me. I remember meeting Cid that day. He always stayed locked away or doing some important garden worked with those creepy guys. This was the first time he actually addressed us. I would have been more excited if Squall hadn't already had this lecture and already picked his weapon.  
  
After his speech, the Garden Master, not Cid, took us into a storage closet and let us pick out any weapon we wanted to be taught how to use.  
  
I was only twelve at the time and went for the biggest thing there. It was a sword looking thing with the butt of a gun attached to it. I recognized from a book I stole from the library. Ok, I 'borrowed it' and never intended to return it. Proudly, I showed my claim to Cid.  
  
He looked at me and smiled. "Strange, you're the second one today to choose a gunblade. They've never been so popular. We already have some knights on hand." He laughed at his ill placed joke that I didn't quiet understand.  
  
I sat at my seat smiling. Cool. I thought. So this is a gunblade. Just like in the book. Cid stood at the front of the room and crossed his arms.

"A weapon is not a toy, and I do not want you playing with them. They will only be used under strict supervision until you pass your licensing test. I want to warn you that. . ."

Sighing, I let my mind drift, welcoming strange distorted pictures filled my head.  
  
_A strangely dressed woman with a red scarf was standing on a snowy mountain side waving her arms dramatically. 'Oh, Sir Knight . . . Save me from the wicked dragon . . . !'  
  
A man with long black hair and bright green eyes waved a gunblade energetically. 'Oh . . . Ok . . . I . . . I'll s-save you from the dragon . . .'  
  
A huge bright red dragon lumbers down the side of the mountain, the man turns, surprised as the dragon rears back, ready to attack. The man leaps forward and with his trusty gunblade, delivers blows with such furry that the dragon never once touches him. The man turns back to his lady, who anxiously . . .  
_  
"Mr. Almasy. Is there something you'd like to tell the rest of the class, or do you usually stand with you're mouth open, drooling like a half-wit?"  
  
I was roughly jerked back into reality by one of the flippered garden masters. I closed my mouth and saluted sharply. "Nosir!"  
  
He nodded and possibly smiled. "Thank you. Now, like I was saying, Seifer, you will be training with Instructor Taylor. He teaches swordsmanship. The art of the gunblade can't be too different. We can't hire a trainer for that specific weapon because you are only the second person to choose that weapon since the Garden opened. I hope you plan to dedicate yourself, because that particular weapon will take extreme concentration to master."  
  
He turned to instruct the rest of the class as to their classes and Instructors and I returned to my day-dreams.

_Instead of the red-scarfed lady on the mountainside, this time it was a strange woman with long black hair and a very tight, very revealing long black dress. The long haired man was replaced by me and the dragon strangely resembled Squall. I was older with a scar across my face, dressed in black with a silver trench coat bearing a blood red cross on the arms. The symbol of a sorceress' knight. Fearlessly I charged at Squall, who grinned as he pulled out his weapon, a gunblade of his own.  
_

A strange sort of relationship developed between me and Squall. He was always there to meet me when I had steam to release, and when we fought, he matched me, blow for blow. It was invigorating, fighting a battle against someone who matched me in both strength and skill.As a fourteen year old, I was insufferable. Having excelled in all my classes, I had an unbelievable amount of extra time and loved to tortured the Garden Staff. After the written complaints of my actions took up more room on his desk then actual business, Cid decided to 'harness my extraordinary ability of commanding the underclassmen'. Thus, the DC was formed, and my first officers were recruited.  
  
Fuujin was an orphan like me, but Rajin had a father who lived in Balamb. Whenever we got time off for a holiday, we would always go see Rajin's Pa. He treated me and Fuujin like we were part of his family and loved telling stories about the old days. It was the first time I ever felt paternal love that didn't involve a belt.  
  
In between classes and periods of peer harassment, I spent a considerable amount of time on my SeeD studying. All my instructors agreed that I might be able to pass the exam at the age of 15, if I would just apply myself. Quistis and I would be the youngest participants this year. Being grouped in a generalization with a brain like Quistis was just as wonderful. Talk about an ego builder. I finally felt like I could do something right.  
  
With the help of Rajin's Pa, I had already passed the written exam and had gotten my GF at the cavern. I heard that some students couldn't even get their GF to appear. Sad. Mine was Sraphim, a restorative GF. I wasn't upset, though people thought I would be.  
  
By then, I had already earned a reputation as the one guy you didn't want to cross. The younger classmen always scampered away, not too fast (they feared a speeding ticket), but fast enough.  
  
When the day of the exam arrived, I couldn't wait to be on the battle field. Cid put us in the usual groups of three. I was in a group with Quistis and Samantha, our squad leader. Two girls. I couldn't believe it. Neither one of them used a real weapon: Quistis used some string and Sam had a twig. That would leave all the fighting up to me.  
  
I pouted through the Field Instructors instructions and missed the entire briefing; didn't really bother me. I had the goody-two-shoes, always whining and telling me what to do, and another brainy girl. We would all be guarantee passing grades with Quistis there. She would have us toe the line and do everything by the book. And Sam desperately wanted to pass after failing two years in a row. If she didn't pass this year, she'd be kicked out of Garden. If all else failed, I could pull us through with pure will.  
  
The rest of the crew consisted of seven other squad, A-H, us being squad E. What a great letter. I figured squads E-H were just for back up. We weren't even that important.  
  
This was a high scale operation and I was surprised at candidates being allowed to be involved. If we were to fail, there couldn't possibly be enough experienced fighters left to protect a full retreat.  
  
We landed in Tzen, a small fishing village to the northwest of Deling. From what Quistis told me, a small religious cult had built a barricade-like structure at the north end of town and was calling it the Tower of the Blessed. There they were taking virgins form Hyne's temple in Tzen and sacrificing them to Agustra, the God of Beginnings. They all believed that in order to free their karma they must purify it by sacrificing virgins.  
  
How sacrificing virgins to their made up god was going to help, I had no idea, but we were ordered to 'aid' the 'National Security Members' a.k.a the Galbadia military, in containing their leaders and I suspect freeing their karma in our own, more brutal way. Not that this bothered me. Any man of the cloth was suspicious to me. Who could claim to be so pure, living on faith alone? They all had to be crazy. You can't support something you can't see.  
  
When we reached this 'tower' I was in awe. It actually was exactly like they said: a barricade-like structure. Honestly. There was no other way to explain it.  
  
Quistis stood faced us. "Ok. We are supposed to free as many captives as possible. They are being kept, according to our information, in the back left part of the fort. We should meet squads D and F there as well. How we are supposed to get in, I have no idea."  
  
I rolled my eyes as I unsheathed my gunblade. "Of course they are in the back. Where else are they supposed to be, the front?"  
  
Sam frowned in concentration. "Well, it would make sense to put them in front. No one would expect that. Or in the middle of the fort. That would make it harder for a smallish group of mercenaries, like us, to free captives."  
  
Good Hyne. She was worse than Quistis. I pointed my blade at her. "You talk too much."  
  
Quistis intervened before any bloodshed occurred. "Listen you guys, we have to find a way back there."  
  
Being put out by Sam gave me a bit of a cockiness I had no right to have. I pulled my gunblade back and settled it on my shoulder. "Why don't we just go up to the front gate and knock?" I grinned as I stated to strut toward the fort.  
  
"You idiot!" Quistis growled. "This is a test, and an important one. I will not have my grade ruined as well as me making it into SeeD this year because of you. Now get back here and behave."  
  
I winked at her, "Don't worry, sweetheart, I won't ruin your grade, maybe your reputation, but never your grade."  
  
Quistis growled in irritation as I sauntered off near the outskirts of our intended destination after Sam, who had left us during our bickering.  
  
On the battlements we could see the guards patrolling. In the darkness we couldn't see any of our allies, but were reassured that they were there from the 'bird' noises they made.  
  
That has got to be the worst idea anyone could come up with. They were no trees around for Hyne's sake, so where exactly were the birds going to nest? Guards paid no attention. I could have very well knocked and asked if they could come out to play and they would have obliged me.  
  
Sam had us hide out behind the left rear wall. We were there to wait for the other squads and a diversion. Of course no one told us what this diversion would be, but we still had to wait. Then our orders were to get over the wall and into the fort. Said diversion would get the guards off of the wall leaving us way to save the precious captives.  
  
While we waited, Sam sat down and polished her weapon. It was a weird half moon blade attached to a thick ash staff. Curiously I asked her what it was.  
  
She smiled at me, apparently pleased I noticed. "A glaive. It was my father's. He used it in battle. When he married my mother, it was used to support the other end of our clothesline, if you could believe it. When my mother died, he lost all will to live and sent me here, to Balamb. I decided to use the same weapon as him. He killed himself about two months after I received the glaive."  
  
"Oh." I said as I sat down to wait. Damn. I hadn't asked for a life story. I only wanted to know what it was called. I've noticed that people do that. Talk just for the hell of it.  
  
I closed my eyes and thought about the upcoming battle.  
  
_A garden was looming in front of me. Balamb Garden. I was standing on pedestal with men on motorcycles on either side of me. With a single swift motion, I waved my hand . . .  
_  
We heard noise off in the distance. I came back and grinned. "It's starting."  
  
I had my doubts on wither or not we could win. Twenty-four SeeD candidates, fourteen SeeDs and a platoon of Galbadia soldiers vs. a really strange religious cult. I only could hope that their god was fake. Even with my beliefs being what they were, going against the power of the God of Beginnings frightened me. I pulled my gunblade out and set it on my knees, studying my reflection.  
  
To get my mind off everything else, I tried to call small magic spells to awaken Sraphim. He was good company, even if he was a GF that didn't bring pain. He wouldn't wake. My compatibility with him was down so he felt he didn't have to listen. I'd get'em eventually.  
  
Quistis pulled out her whip and crouched down near the wall. "Shhht! Someone's coming. It doesn't sound like the other groups. Footsteps are too heavy."  
  
Quickly Sam joined her and tried to become one with the shadows. With the sound almost upon us, I out my blade safely back in its place and joined the two girls. Around the corner came several Galbadia soldiers.  
  
"There should be a squad or two of SeeD brats back here. That's what I heard from Commander."  
  
Another nodded. "Ok. Spread out. We have our orders."  
  
Sam stood quickly and stepped out of the shadows. "What do you want? Do we have new orders?"  
  
The soldiers turned and faced her. Quistis and I cowered closer to the wall. I cursed Sam for drawing attention to us. They were blind enough not to see me and Quistis when looking at Sam who was right in front of us, so chances are they would have left the three of us alone.  
  
The solder who had given orders smirked. "Yeah girl, you have new orders. Where are the rest of your friends?"  
  
I didn't like the tone of his voice. Neither, apparently, did Sam. "I'm alone."  
  
"The rest went ahead with the operation. They heard the noise and left me here as a watch. What are our orders?"  
  
The other solder laughed and pointed his gun at her. "She must be telling the truth. SeeD are too stupid to lie. Always following orders. Here's one, babe. Go to hell and give Diablos my regards."  
  
I jumped out of my hiding place before he could shoot her. "Stop! We are on the same side."  
  
He laughed. "Same side? What the hell you talking 'bout. You should have stayed home, kid, or remained hidden. Now you can die as well."  
  
Sam grabbed her glaive and yelled for me to run. Everything moved slowly, like in a 'haunted house' when they have those black flickery lights. I had to protect her. For the short time I knew her, she acted like my sister, or even like a friend.  
  
"No. I want to fight to." I said stubbornly.  
  
She stepped forward and addressed the men. "Leave him be. He's only a boy of no consequence. Not even a SeeD."  
  
The soldier looked puzzled and attempted to figure things out. He had grown up in a world where one takes care of ones self, not of others.  
  
"You must be the boy's sister." He pointed his gun toward me, amazed at his apparent brilliance "I'll kill him first."  
  
She leapt toward him, spinning her weapon. "Quistis, Seifer, you two get outa here. Now!"  
  
The other guards pulled out weapons as well and all attacked Sam. I could do nothing but watch as Quistis pulled me away, toward the beach where an evacuation was taking place. I guess a small boy was not worth leaving a weapon wielding nineteen year old to your back.  
  
A small group of SeeDs found us and escorted us to the boats. "That's the last of them."  
  
A much healthier Cid was present on our boat. "Right. Asses our damages."  
  
The SeeD saluted. "We lost four SeeDs and half of our candidates. The Galbadia platoon was a trap and the 'religious cult' was indeed a group of people who worship the god of beginnings, but never result to violence in fear of damaging their karma and going against their way."  
  
Rubbing his eyes in a weary fashion, Cid sighed. "So it has begun."  
  
"What sir?"  
  
"Nothing. Get us back to Garden. We will promote those deserving, then attempt to reason with Vinzer to retrieve our dead."  
  
"Yes, sir."  
  
I had failed again. This time in the most horrible of ways. I wasn't defenseless this time, what with Hyperion at my side. I had just forgotten, which was a more deadly mistake. I had the opportunity to protect yet another innocent and failed.  
  
As we sat in the second floor corridor waiting for the results of the exam to be announced, Quistis tried to comfort me. She told me that Sam had done her job and would be honored as a proper SeeD for her sacrifices. She told me it wasn't my fault.  
  
"Wasn't my fault? Damn it, Quistis I could have helped her. I had that power. I had that chance. But I ran instead. I ran!" I felt my feelings well up inside and spill over the wall I had built.  
  
Quistis sighed and watched the tears stream down my face. "Seifer, it wasn't your fault. Nothing you could have done would have mattered. The only thing that would have come of it would have been your death."  
  
I wasn't that lucky. Hyne had once again spared me from death when I so desperately yearned for it. She would flaunt a door for my soul to escape through, and then close it before I could reach it.  
  
I looked up as a garden master entered the area. "Trepe. Quistis Trepe."  
  
She grinned happily and walked toward the elevator.  
  
"Garamonde. Conner Garamonde."  
  
A small wiry boy followed Quistis.  
  
The garden master folded his hands . "That is all. Dismissed."  
  
I had failed again. Familiar demons attacked my heart as hope was once more submerged. 


	5. Unusually Unusual

Chapter Five

_She's unusually unusual/Absolutely unpredictable/She so different/That's what's so wonderful/She's unusually unusual/And that's beautiful to me_  
  
Chris Kageal

Time is said to be constant. It is also said to be the ultimate healer of any wound. I'm living proof that that's a load of bull. Time never heals anything. It instead is an unkind teacher that shows us how to act as if we were over the past. It hands you a mask to wear to hide your pained face, gives you a script and a new part to play. Time had given me the part of a bastard as well as an emotional drug to dull pain. I found that I had a knack for pissing people off. I could annoy any one person and not be punished.  
  
That year Cid made some changes in the way things were run. He forbid taking SeeD candidates on high-risk missions and also wouldn't allow us candidates to be put in charge of any thing of importance. Deling never gave us back our dead or let us search the grounds for wounded. A treaty was signed in which I wasn't privileged enough to know what was agreed. Still, I'm pretty sure we got screwed.  
  
Because of what happened in Tzen, candidates and recent SeeD graduates had to take more weapon and magic classes to sharpen our weaknesses and develop our strengths. To insure success, the classes were smaller and arranged by level instead of age.  
  
All GFs were collected and we were expected to sign them out when they were needed for and only for a mission or class. Someone had apparently gotten on Cid about GFs draining memory.  
  
Garden Masters became more apparent and security was tightened. No one was allowed to go anywhere without proper authorization.  
  
To walk into Balamb Garden, you would think that we were under a high terrorist alert. Apparently, we were seen as terrorists and had been getting threats from Deling even after our peace agreement. Told ya we got screwed.  
  
Anyway, every single morning at five, I had to be at the training center for magic classes. My old instructor was still teaching junior classmen, so we got stuck with a younger, less experienced one.  
  
She couldn't have been more than eighteen and told us to call her Caroline, short for Amy. I just stared at her. She had to be on something.  
  
When we go there the first morning, she stood in front of us and said "Hey guys. I hope we can become best friends! You are my first class, so take it easy m'k?" Then she let out this high pitched squeal that sounded like someone had pulled a tail on a pig.  
  
Hyne, I hated her and I had only known her for two minutes. She shouldn't have told me that we were her first class. I made it my duty to make her as miserable as possible. She would stay up all night praying for the sun to stay down and for time to stop. I grinned at the thought of it.  
  
She must have taken that as a sign of glee or some other crap because she also grinned, pointed at me, and said, "Great! My first volunteer. And so cheerful."  
  
Quistis rolled her eyes. She knew me better. I smiled again and walked toward her. "Yes, milady. I am at your service."  
  
The class snickered, knowing my reputation. Quistis looked at me questionably, wondering what I was up to, knowing firsthand what I could do.  
  
Caroline smiled as she took a step toward me. "Very good, What GF do you wish to have, good sir."  
  
I quickly looked up. Damn. She had caught the sarcasm in my voice and was playing along. I had to stop this before it got out of hand. "Odin. God of destruction."  
  
She laughed, this time softer, sounding only like a wounded cat. "No can do, sir knight." She faced the class. "Can anyone tell me why?"  
  
Quistis smirked at me as she raised her hand. "Odin comes whenever he feels that he is needed. Therefore you cannot junction him to your person to allow the use of magic."  
  
Caroline nodded. "Correct miss. You would make a good instructor."  
  
Quistis blushed as I fumed inwardly.  
  
"Now, would you please pick another GF, sir? Please pick one that might help me in this exercise."  
  
I glared. She was still playing with me. I'd show her to mess with Seifer. With a sly grin I said, "Siren. Goddess of seduction."  
  
Caroline raised one eyebrow as she pulled out a velvet box from her pocket. "Interesting choice."  
  
She handed me a tablet. I placed my hand on it and absorbed Siren's essence. When I was finished she placed the tablet back in the box.  
  
"Now. Do you have any offensive spells?"  
  
I searched my stocks. "Yes. I have three quakes twenty fires and two blizzaras."  
  
She smiled. "That will do. Now hold still."  
  
I glared at her. Like I could go anywhere.  
  
"Blind. Slow. Draw: Esuna"  
  
I felt my esuna spells evaporate as my vision went and my actions slowed.  
  
"Seifer, I want you to fight a T-rexaur in this condition." She said in a soft voice. "I will be here if you need any help. Use only your magic."  
  
I couldn't believe this. I heard a roar and the gasps of my classmates. She was making a fool of me in front of my peers. Desperately, I searched to see if I had overlooked any of my spells. I found one blind which I quickly cast on my opponent. From there the battle was tiresome. I got 'attacked' twice before my turn and had to let out a fire spell that did minimal damage. After I ran out of spells, I turned toward Caroline.  
  
"Now What?"  
  
I couldn't see her, but I heard the smile in her voice. "Use your GF, sir knight."  
  
Damn her. She planed this. If only I had gotten Shiva. I could hear her conducting class behind me. Apparently her students got tired of watching me. When the T-rexaur finally went down on a lucky limit break, I couldn't hear anyone talking.  
  
"Esuna."  
  
I heard a female voice whisper. Quistis was sitting there, smiling.  
  
"What the hell do you want?" I growled, making to leave. She stood, blocking my exit.  
  
"Caroline told me to stay here and watch you. Class was dismissed fifteen minutes ago. She didn't want to disturb you."  
  
I was enraged once again. "You mean it took me two hours to defeat that bastard?"  
  
Quistis smiled. "Yeah. She thought it would be over quicker. She figured you would loose. She didn't expect you would have a blind spell."  
  
I couldn't believe it. She had no faith in me. Not that she should, but I was her student. She set out to humiliate me on purpose. I looked up at Quistis. "Why'd you wait?"  
  
She blushed. "Umm, I don't know. Didn't think you'd want to be alone with Caroline so I told her to go on ahead. She excused us from our next class."  
  
I smiled. "Want to get breakfast?"  
  
She looked up, stunned. "With you?"  
  
"No with him." I said, pointing at the T-rexaur. "Yeah with me."  
  
"Why would you. . . Oh forget it. Yeah I'd love to."  
  
So it began. 


	6. All That Matters

Chapter Six

_I don't care about these old socks I'm wearin, with holes in the toes/I don't mind these worn out coat hangers hanging up my clothes/And I don't care that the phone ain't ringing, I ain't scared to be alone/And I don't sit around and worry 'bout where time and money goes/All that matters baby is that I got you and all of this love/All that matters is I got you and that's more than enough_  
  
Sherrie Austin

When we got to the cafeteria, no one was there. Guess they were in class, or still asleep. I glanced at Quistis. "Go sit down. I'll get something for both of us."  
  
She nodded and looked for a table.  
  
The cafeteria lady smiled at me when I got up to the counter.  
  
"Young love. Y'all look so cute together. I remember when my son was your age. He brought home this one girl and if she wasn't the purtyest thing I ever saw. She was so polite too. Then he went off traveling and she was heart broken. Don't you go off and break her heart, ya hear?"  
  
I glared at her and placed my order.  
  
She winked at me when I ordered Quistis'. "So chivalry isn't dead. When I was your age, guys did everything for their lady. You could tell if a young lady was single by if they opened their own doors or were standing in line. Times sure have changed."  
  
I took our food and left the counter before she could say anything else. I looked around the cafeteria, trying to find Quistis. I saw her, sitting at a table in the far corner, positioned behind a leafy plant. I walked over and sat down in the seat opposite her.  
  
"Why are you all the way over here?"  
  
She pointed across the cafeteria to a bunch of cadets. "That's why."  
  
I grinned at her. "What, you got a crush? Don't want them to see you with me? Trepe, I'm offended."  
  
She looked up, alarmed. "No, it's nothing like that. It's just that if they see me, we won't get to talk."  
  
"Oh. A fan group. The 'Trepies'?"  
  
She giggled. "Yeah. You could call them that. It's scary, you know. Having people admire you. Having them look up to you. Record your every success. What if you fail? You let all those people down."  
  
I looked down at my plate. "I wouldn't know."  
  
Confused she tried to meet my eyes, "What do you mean?"  
  
I met her gaze. "Having people look up at me. Never had to deal with it. Never wanted to. It's not failing that worries me. It's succeeding. It's having people coming to you for help."  
  
She smiled and picked up her fork. "Don't you want to protect people you care about? Make sure they're safe?"  
  
"No." I said softly. "I don't. People die that's how life works. Nothing lasts forever. Why try to prolonging the suffering?"  
  
"Why try at something when you know you will fail?" Quistis asked, poking her food.  
  
I looked into her beautiful blue eyes. "Yeah."  
  
We both finished our food without any further talking. It was silence, but not uncomfortable. We had reached an understanding. A point of mutual agreement. I knew she was afraid of the same thing I was.  
  
Failure.

Caroline's class continued at an extremely painful pace. She always started class by asking for a volunteer and attempted to make a fool of them, usually succeeding. On the morning after my T-rexaur fight, she asked to talk to me alone while everyone else practiced drawing their magic.  
  
"Seifer." she said, looking at me with her different colored eyes. "You show amazing potential. I didn't think you would beat him."  
  
One was green. The other could be blue, maybe gray. I couldn't tell.  
  
"I would like to apologize. I shouldn't have tested your skill with such a difficult feat so early in the semester."  
  
Not that it mattered.  
  
"I just don't want things to go sour between us, especially over my screw up. It would make this class unbearable."  
  
I smiled at her. "Like you say, milady. Apology accepted."  
  
She raised an eyebrow. "You sure?"  
  
No. I just want revenge.  
  
"Yes. Everything's fine."  
  
She smiled back at me, unable to read between the lines. "Good. Let's get back to class."  
  
She placed her hand on my shoulder and gently guided me back toward the class. Good thing she wasn't an English teacher.  
  
I walked over to Quistis, where she was practicing drawing from another student. When he saw me coming, he took off at a run, tripping over a stray twig.  
  
She laughed and waved at me. "Hey. What was that about?"  
  
I smiled slyly. "Oh, you know. She just wanted to confess her undying love for me."  
  
She glared and put her hands on her hips. "No, really."  
  
"What, you don't believe me?" I shrugged nonchalantly. "I can't help that I'm so attractive to the ladies."  
  
She laughed and kicked some leaves away from her feet. "You're an idiot, ya know that."  
  
Still grinning, I continued to flirt. "Why, are you jealous?"  
  
She looked me in the eyes and met my challenge. "What if I am?"  
  
I put my hands down, not sure of what to say.  
  
"Hey, you two. Thank you for volunteering. Come up here, please."  
  
Caroline called, pointing to me and Quistis.  
  
Neither one wanting to look at the other, we walked up to the front of the class.  
  
"Ok. We are going to have a duel. I want you to use only first level elemental spells. No earth based attacks. You may use any protective spell you think you may need except cure, shell, and reflect. Begin when ready." She backed up and took a position in the student body.  
  
Quistis and I faced each other. Her face was flushed and I still didn't know how to deal with her confession.  
  
"Anytime people!" Caroline called out, frustrated at our lack of action.  
  
I searched through my magic stocks and found a fire. I grinned at Quistis as I prepared to cast it.  
  
"Ladies first." I called out.  
  
She grinned at me as she drew my fire spell and cast it back on me. I glared as I fell back and quickly cast thunder on her. She followed with a tripled blizzard. I glanced at Caroline and cast regen on myself.

Quistis frowned in concentration. I recognized her stance. She was calling her GF. I wasn't healing fast enough and Siren wasn't strong enough to take a full GF attack. I tried to remember what GF Quistis had, but couldn't. I stalled too long and the background and everyone faded from view as the mighty ice goddess came down from the heavens. I winced as the floor under my feet turned dark blue and was covered with a thick sheet of ice. I prepared my self for the obvious. The ice crawled up the walls and shattered. Ice pierced my skin and left visible proof of my defeat.  
  
"Damn." I muttered, as I sank into darkness.

When I woke, I saw the familiar white walls of the infirmary. The room was dark, the only light coming from the hallway. I slowly sat up, careful not to disturb any of my injured parts. I didn't have temperamental amnesia. I knew where I was. I also knew why I was there.  
  
Trepe had KO'ed me. Once again, I had been beaten by a girl.  
  
"Seifer?"  
  
Looking up, I saw Quistis outlined in the dim yellow glow resonating from Dr. Kadowaki's desk light. She cautiously stepped into the room and sat in the hard plastic chair next to my cot.  
  
"So. How are you feeling?"  
  
I heard a bit of pity in her voice. The one thing I didn't need. Still, it isn't often that a beautiful girl comes to my side, acting as if I were on my death bed. I decided to milk it for all it was worth.  
  
I fell back on the pillow on the bed and sighed exasperatedly. "Oh, you know. I feel like every bone in my body is shattered. I won't ever be able to walk again. This whole experience will have me traumatize."  
  
She smiled at me, catching on quickly. "Well, you know what they say. The bigger they are. . ."  
  
"The harder they fall." I finished for her.  
  
She giggled and patted my arm. "No, really. How are you?"  
  
"I'm fine." I tilted my head so that I could get a better view of her. "How are you doing?"  
  
She rolled her eyes. "I'm in detention for the rest of the month. Every Friday I have to report to Cid's office and play secretary. I broke a sacred rule."  
  
My eyes widened in surprise. "Trouble, you?"  
  
"Yeah. Caroline said that we weren't supposed to use GFs. She told me that a GF with as much power as Shiva could have killed you, even though I didn't boost her. She said that she never thought to remind us because she considered it common knowledge. She also decided to have you stop volunteering."  
  
Wincing, I sat up and swung my legs over the side of the bed. "And why would she go and say a thing like that?"  
  
Quistis shook her head and withdrew her hand from my arm. "You know damn well why."  
  
I reached out and touched her face, brushing back a stray hair. "I guess that I'll just have to be risky in other ways."  
  
Her eyes widened, surprised at my sudden move. "Seifer?"  
  
Leaning over, I kissed her softly. "Quistis."  
  
She smiled.

No one would have expected me and Quistis to become a couple. We were too much alike and our personalities should have clashed. We were both bold and could be arrogant. She just hid it better then me. I bet if you were to ask her about us now, she'd deny all of it, but believe me it was there. I don't blame her for hating me. I hurt her badly. I prided myself in having the beautiful Miss Trepe by my side. I enjoyed the hateful looks her fan club gave me, and I treasured every moment, every smile we shared. But everything changes, that is the only certainty about life. I was a hormone charged sixteen year-old, and she was to become my first innocent victim.  
  
She waited for me after my weapons class that I had every Tuesday and Thursday night, with Squall Leonhart. It pained me that the classes were grouped by skill and a boy younger than I was in the same class, even if he was good.  
  
Anyway, Quisty picked me up after class. We were going to go to train for Caroline's test the next day. Our final exam was an extended field trip to the Island of Hell to practice our magic. We were supposed to have mastered the art of magic and the onlys thing we were allowed to use were magic and magic enhanced weapons. I had switched my GF of choice to Tritoch who was a non-elemental GF who did extensive damage. Quisty stuck with Shiva.  
  
She grinned when she saw me and I felt like melting. I couldn't believe she was mine. She ran through the rest of the hallway and grabbed my arm. "Ready to go?"  
  
I smiled at her. "Yeah. We'll ace this one. No doubts."  
  
She nodded, tightening her grip. We were sneaking out of the Garden to do some 'exploring' outside. Of courses it wasn't anything new to me, but she had never deliberately broken any of Garden's rules. Quisty tried to play it off by pretending to be cool about it, but I knew better. She had never done anything against school policies. If we were caught, we would be suspended for a week at the least. We would fail any up coming tests, and she would shatter her dreams of ever becoming an instructor.  
  
We crept through the dark halls silently, avoiding all signs of light. She jumped noticeably when someone called out my name. I patted her on the shoulder, recognizing the voice.  
  
"Hey Rajin." I whispered, turning around.  
  
The moonlight played tricks on my eyes and made the trees dance across the hallway so that I could barely see my friend when he approached us. The eeriness of the situation caused Quistis to hold on tighter to my arm.  
  
"Hey. Where are y'all going? Its past curfew, ya know."  
  
Quistis attempted to hide behind me, blending in with the shadows. Rajin, who isn't as dumb as people think, noticed her right away.  
  
"Hey! It's Quistis ya know! Ya got a new girl, Seifer?"  
  
I glared at him and did my best impersonation of Fujin. "RAGE!"  
  
Rajin laughed. "Perfect, ya know. I was just looking for her. You haven't seen her have you?"  
  
It was my turn to laugh. "Why, you got a new girl?"  
  
He blushed and looked at his feet. "No! It ain't nothing like that, ya know. She just left her book in my dorm and . . ."  
  
I nodded, knowingly. "Oh, your dorm. I see. Not a _Girl Next Door_, I hope."  
  
He shook his head. "You're impossible, ya know. Good luck, Quistis." Rajin stumbled down the hall, obviously still flustered.  
  
I faced Quistis. She smiled weakly at me and let go of my arm. "Let's go." Her voice trembled slightly.  
  
"You sure you still want to do this? We can just go to the training center if you're worried." Then I silently cursed my self. I had made it come out like a challenge and with her pride she would followed me to Diablos now.  
  
"Not on your life." She glanced at Rajin's retreating back and started down that hall quickly.  
  
We went straight through the front gates. Quistis had been nervous about disregarding the rules so blatantly, but followed my lead. As I thought, no one was manning watch there. I turned to my accomplice.  
  
"They expect us to use more obvious exits like the parking lot. However, I know better."  
  
She laughed, excited and relieved to be out of Garden. "Whatever. Let's just get going before someone catches onto your brilliant little plan."  
  
The night air was cool and comfortable. From time to time we would hear an owl hoot or some other type of animal move around. Thinking back now, I'm not quiet sure what we were looking for. We fought a few beasts and drew the necessary magics from them, but that only took the good part of an hour. After a short while, we sat down under a tree to rest.  
  
I snickered and stretched my legs out. "I have no idea where we are, do you?"  
  
Quistis shook her head, choosing to sit cross-legged in silence. "Nope."  
  
We sat in silence for a few minutes before Quistis grabbed my hand and glanced at me sideways. "Why did you choose me, Seifer?"  
  
I raised an eyebrow and yawned. "What do you mean?"  
  
She said nothing for a few moments, trying to get her thoughts in order. A noise was heard to the left of us. "You could have had any girl in garden. Why did you choose me?"  
  
I laughed gently and stroked the side of her face. "Any girl? They all hate me. Even you hated me. Always stuck on Leonhart. But I wanted a challenge. You were a challenge." A red light went off in my head, but I ignored it.  
  
She tensed up and pulled away from me. "A challenge? What do you mean?"  
  
An ant crawled across my hand. This was becoming an increasingly dangerous and uncomfortable situation.  
  
I sighed, irritated, and brushed the dirt form my hands. "I mean that you were always so perfect. All high and mighty. Queen Bitch. I never though I could have you. That's why I wanted you."  
  
Quistis slowly pulled her hand away from mine and pulled her knees up to her chest. "You really though that way about me?"  
  
It was late and I didn't have the patience to deal with her. My head hurt, my legs hurt and I'd be damned if I wasn't sitting on an ant hill. "Yeah. I did. And I thought that I didn't mind to tell you that a few times."  
  
She sniffled. "Well, after that morning in the cafeteria I though you never meant it."  
  
I glared into nothingness. Girls looked too deep into things. They expected you to mean everything good you say, but never any of the bad. They always fish for compliments, never excepting themselves the way they really are. They seemed to need a guy to tell them how wonderful they are.  
  
"Quistis, I was still messed up from the battle. I. . ."  
  
I stopped talking because Quistis started crying. I looked around the tree to see her. She noticed me and drug her arm across her eyes and stood up.  
  
"I'm going back to the Garden."  
  
I stood up as well and attempted to grab onto her arm. "Quistis, wait."  
  
She looked at me, smiling softy. The moonlight reflected off her tears and high lighted her beauty even more. "Why? Why should I wait for you? So you can leave me behind. I thought you . . .? She took a deep, ragged breath, trying to collect her shattered thoughts. "Never mind. It doesn't matter now."  
  
I grabbed her arm. "Quistis, I do care about you. I'm just tired and stressed. I do care about you."  
  
Her eyes met mine, tears still streaming down her face. "Really?"  
  
I lowered my voice down to a whisper. "Yeah. I love you."  
  
She embraced me and in there, she lost her innocence. It was her first time, but not mine.  
  
We made it back to the garden just before sun rise. Quistis was hanging onto my arm and grinning. I think at that time, I actually did have feelings for her, but we were too young to know what love really was. I kissed her and she ran off toward her dorm. We had a test in about an hour and we had done little studying.  
  
I took a quick shower, barely noticing Rajin wasn't in his bed. I smiled to myself thinking he must have gotten him some too. I changed into my 'uniform' and headed out to the front gates. There Caroline and Quistis were waiting with the rest of our class. Quistis had lost her grin.  
  
Caroline herded us all into a semi-advanced air craft named the Falcon. I thought a more suitable name for it would have been the Sparrow, but when I told Quistis that she shook her head and continued looking out the window.  
  
Angry, I walked through the ship, heading for the loading bay. I loved listening to the sound of my feet hitting the metallic floor and listing to the mechanic hum of the engines. I hated how I felt inside, so worthless. My demons had taken up their familiar dance in my head, telling me what a failure this test would be. How badly I was going to disgraced myself. I tried to push them down with thoughts of success, but they fought back. My thoughts were interrupted by Caroline, who had undoubtedly followed me.  
  
"Seifer? Can we talk?"  
  
I faced the wall, letting the moment direct its self.  
  
She came and stood directly behind me, invading my personal bubble beyond any belief. "You have great talents. I don't know why you hide them so deeply."  
  
I shook my head and found a bolt to study. "No talent." I muttered.  
  
Her eyes bore into the back of my head. "If you're looking for compliments or reassurances of your manliness, I won't give them to you."  
  
My temper flared and I wished death onto the little silver bolt. "Then why are you here? You are always bothering me when I least want someone to talk to. You must have a reason. Instructors don't just chat with students."  
  
She smiled. "Fine. I think you would make a good instructor."  
  
I turned to face her and laughed. "Right. Me. You want instructor material, go talk to Quistis."  
  
She nodded her head. "I have. I've also spoken to Cid. He agrees somewhat with me."  
  
I took somewhat as meaning not at all.  
  
"If you two pass this test, I will endorse your instructor license. I am only offering you and Quistis this chance."  
  
I laughed again, this time my voice cracked. "Right. I'm not even SeeD yet. How can I become an instructor?"  
  
"That's why I talked to Cid." Her eyes gleamed mischievously. "He has agreed, under special circumstances, to exempt you from the SeeD qualification exam if you pass my test with 250 pts. Seeing as how points are indefinite on this test, you should have no problems obtaining them."  
  
She was called to the bridge and left me standing, shocked. I didn't want to become an instructor, but Caroline had me. I wanted to be a SeeD more than anything in the world. I decided I would go through with the test. Heart pounding, I followed Caroline up to the bridge.  
  
She looked up at me when I walked into the room. I nodded slightly. Her face brightened and she gave me a thumbs up.  
  
I saw Quistis sitting cross-legged on the floor, gazing dreamily out the window. I sauntered over and stood directly in her view.  
  
She blinked and smiled. "Hey stranger."  
  
I plopped down next to her. "Whatcha up to girl?"  
  
She sighed. "Just thinking. Caroline said I could make instructor today. It would make a great birthday present."  
  
I nodded. "Yeah, won't tell you what I got you though."  
  
She glared at me. "Are you even listening?"  
  
"Yeah." Quistis continued talking about passing the test. I was watching Caroline, trying to figure her out. She was only a year or so older than me. I wonder if. . .  
  
Quistis tugged on my arm. "Hey! I was right you aren't listening. What's wrong?"  
  
I shook my head. "It's nothing."  
  
She turned herself so we were sitting knee to knee. "Don't tell me that. I feel like I know you better than I know myself. I know something is bothering you and I want to know what it is."  
  
I looked into her eyes and what I saw frightened me. I didn't see hate or fear. I saw loneliness, sorrow, and hope. She was right. She did know me, but she didn't understand. My eyes flickered to Caroline. I couldn't wish for more than I was given. Caroline believed in me. She went against Cid's wishes to get me this chance. But what if I failed?  
  
Unfortunately, Quistis caught my gaze and took it the wrong way.  
  
Softly she whispered, "You aren't tied to me."  
  
Her eyes filled with tears and she quickly wiped them away. I grabbed her hands. "No, no. Quistis. It isn't anything like that. I have a chance to become instructor too. But I'm so, so," my voice caught. "Afraid I guess. I don't want to fail again. I don't want to handle that disgraced."  
  
Quistis smiled. "You won't. You are a strong, brave person. You should have made SeeD last year. Now you have a chance to redeem your self."  
  
She was so innocent. Even that which I thought I had robbed her of was still there. Slowly I reached into my pocket and pulled out a small box. She looked at me with questions in her eyes.  
  
"Your birthday present. I want you to have it now. For luck."  
  
She took the box and slowly opened it. Inside was a silver necklace with a cross, also silver. Again her eyes filled with tears, but this time she didn't bother wiping them away. I leaned over to help her put it on. Then I hugged her. She moved back over to sit next to me and we held on to each other until the ship landed.  
  
I had never felt so completed, so happy. I had a chance at SeeDship once again with test results that any junior classmen could obtain. I had a loyal friend who would always be there for me. I had a 'rival'. My life was, as far as I was concerned, was perfect.  
  
Then, of course, my demons had to speak up. In deathly tones they warned me of failure and impending doom. They foreshadowed certain defeat and a loss of everything, everyone that I held dear. They danced a dance of destruction across my memories and assured me that this time things would be no different. That I would fail at this too.  
  
I shook them off, not wanting to ruin the mood. They continued nagging me, like children begging for candy.  
  
My demons had a habit of being right. 


	7. Finding You Were Wrong

Chapter Seven

_Ever just the same, Ever a surprise, Ever as before/Ever just as sure as the sun will rise/Tale as old as time, Tune as old as song/Bittersweet and strange, finding you can change/Learning you were wrong/Certain as the sun rising in the east/Tale as old as time, Song as old as rhyme_  
  
Disney

When the ship landed, Caroline put us all in groups of three. Because Quistis and I were 'different', we were in our own group of two.  
  
"As you all know, this will be your final exam in my class." Caroline smiled brightly at us, the sun making her hair glisten. "The point of this test is to test your magic skills as well as your junctioning abilities. Weapons are permitted on this test and it is up to you to choose the correct magic. Auto junctioning is forbidden. To pass this test, you must obtain 150 points. The points go as followed: For every T-rexaur you defeat you get 10 points." She grinned at me, as if we shared a private joke.  
  
Quistis rolled her eyes as Caroline continued. "Every Hexdragon 40pts, every Grendel 50 points, every ruby dragon 80 points and for every Marlboro you will be awarded 100 points." Again, she smiled, "Though I advise you not to attempt to fight a Marlboro at this or any other level. I will be around if you need help, but every time I am called; your team will loose a collective 20 points. Students who remain KO'ed after a battle will be graded on their points they obtained before passing out. Time is pending. Listen for my call. Begin."  
  
Quistis grinned as she pulled out her whip and junctioned 100 blizzergas to it. The she junctioned 68 full-lifes to HP. Turning to me she smiled.  
  
"No auto-junction. Need help?"  
  
I grunted under my breath. She knew junctioning wasn't my strong point, but I'd be damned before I got help on this test. I grinned wickedly as I held out a ball of black matter.  
  
Quistis gasped. "Seifer! Where the hell did you get ultima spells?"  
  
Happily I junctioned them to strength. "Over there." I pointed to the beach where we had landed the Falcon. "And I drew them off Caroline during long lectures."  
  
Quistis waved a finger at me. "Naughty, naughty. You'll have to be punished later."  
  
I grinned evilly at her. "Send me to your room after the test."  
  
We finished junctioning and headed off away from our class. By the time we reached the end of the island, we hadn't fought one fiend.  
  
"The hell." I muttered. "You'd think Cid did this on purpose."  
  
Quistis shook her head, wiping the sweat off her brow. "I know what you mean. It's strange."  
  
Then a T-rexaur bounded up to us, almost comically.  
  
Quistis cast bizzerga on it and I followed that up with my limit break Blood cross. It flopped to the ground with a deflated squeal.  
  
I groaned in frustration. "Two hours and we have only got ten bloody points!"  
  
Quistis grinned. "Yeah, well. What can you do?"  
  
I started to pace, and by chance got a glimpse of another group, barely holding off a herd of Hexdragons. Excited, I gestured to Quistis.  
  
"Come on, we can rack up at least 100 points down there!"  
  
She slowly stood and followed me down the hill.  
  
The students gratefully backed up and let us defeat the fiends. In the next 30 minutes, we had KO'ed 4 of them. That gave us a total of 170 points. We had passed the class exam, but not the instructor exam. I became frantic.  
  
"Hyne! What the hell are we supposed to do? Any minute we could get called back and we fail."  
  
Quistis giggled.  
  
Angrily I swung my arm and gestured wildly. "Glad you're having fun, miss. We are so Hyne damn close."  
  
Quistis moth dropped open and she dropped her voice down to a whisper. "Seifer, look over there." She pointed toward the hill we came over to save the other team.  
  
I crouched down to look. Slowly lumbering up the hill was a medium sized Ruby Dragon. I looked at my partner. "Think we can take him?"  
  
She shook her head wearily. "No, but we have to try, right?"  
  
Saying a silent prayer to Hyne, I ran off to the hill, toward the Ruby Dragon and engaged in combat with it, Quistis following closely behind me.  
  
I cast blind, and Quistis followed up with a meltdown. He retaliated, knocking Quistis unconscious even through the haze of my blind spell. As quickly as I could, I cast life on her. She knelt, still groggy. When her turn came, she cast haste on me. I attacked with an upward slash across his chest, slitting his left arm open. Quistis used her limit break laser eyes. He stumbled to the right, but I was there to meet him. After a side swipe, he was staggering from side to side. With a downward plunge, I struck him in the stomach, feeling the hilt recoil when I pulled Hyperion's trigger.  
  
With dragon blood dripping down my arm, I stood back, thinking it was over. Quistis grinned at me, and I bowed. Her eyes widened as she fell unconscious again as the very alive dragon used Breath. I brought her to life again. She cast curaga on both of us, bringing herself back to full health, my HP being slightly less then hers. With a determined grimace, she lashed out with her whip, and killed the beast. With a last attempt to bring us with him, he cast Breath again.  
  
I cursed to every god I knew as I slipped away into unconsciousness. My last sight was Caroline running up the hill. I woke up in the Infirmary several hours latter, both Quistis and Caroline were at my bedside. Neither looked very happy.  
  
I slowly sat up, wincing as the bright light made my eyes water. "Hey, y'all." I drawled, smiling at them both. "What's up, girls?"  
  
Quistis forced a grin. "I made Instructor. The Ruby Dragon put me at exactly 250 pts."  
  
I congratulated her and looked at Caroline. "Why are you here? To inform me of my new instructorship?"  
  
She shook her head. "Sadly, no. You are not going to be an instructor, or a SeeD."  
  
I leaned back on my pillow, groaning. "Oh."  
  
Quistis took my hand in hers. "Cid wouldn't allow it. Time was called and he said that since you were unconscious at the end of that battle, you would only be scored on your 170 points."  
  
I glared at Caroline. "I was all there when the bastard drew his last breath. It was like a booby trap thing. I killed the damn thing. Did either one of you speak for me?"  
  
Caroline smiled sadly. "Yes. We both did. Cid stood firm. He didn't think you could handle being an instructor before, but was pressured to prove it. Even with both me and Quistis supporting you, he wouldn't change his mind. Cid is a proud man. Doing so would have meant he prejudged you wrongly."  
  
"Damn it all to hell." I pounded the side of my cot. The demons were right, again.  
  
Of course, I never would have thought Cid would deliberately screw me like this just to save a little face. Hell, we all thought him to be an idiot anyway. Letting me have those points wouldn't have made a difference.  
  
"So, I have to take the SeeD field exam tomorrow? I still have time to take that stupid pretest, right?"  
  
"No." Caroline whispered.  
  
'What the hell do you mean, NO?" I yelled.  
  
"Cid won't allow it. He said something about you already having a chance this year."  
  
"A chance he didn't even want to give me." I seriously considered murder. "You're telling me I have to wait until next year to try for SeeD?"  
  
Caroline's voice got softer. "No."  
  
I looked at her. "No?"  
  
She nodded. "No."  
  
Quistis took my hand again and squeezed it tightly. Bravely she took a deep breath. "Cid has decided that Instructors can try out for SeeD at age fifteen only if they are prepared to spend a year in training to become an Instructor. Whether or not they actually decide to become one is up to them, but they still have to undergo the classes. If this path is chosen, but you fail, you must skip a year of tests to train harder."  
  
I growled angrily.  
  
Quistis stood up and looked out of the infirmary window. "He's just doing this because its Seifer. Oh, Caroline, it just isn't fair. Why does it have to be like this?"  
  
Caroline shook her head. "I know it isn't fair. It isn't entirely Cid's fault. He had those flippered idiots breathing over his shoulder. He has to appease them. Contrary to all appearances, Cid doesn't control this school."  
  
I swung my legs over the side of the cot. "To hell with that. I understand him not letting me take them tomorrow, but I am sure as hell taking them next year."  
  
With that I strode down the garden hallway in my hospital gown, unaware of my bare bottom being viewed to every student in Garden. After a long, rather boring argument about student rights and what not, Cid gave in and agreed to veto the 'Skip one year' rule. After talking to Caroline, she informed me that it was because no one but us four knew about it. It didn't hurt his pride to go back on something in front of a bunch of children.  
  
Later that night, I found a letter on my bed from Quistis. In it she told me that she liked being around me, but felt that I was smothering her. She said that she needed some time alone, to think of things. She said, and I quote,  
  
_Being around someone as egotistical as you makes me feel insecure, like a skinny girl at a weight watchers meeting. I need time to be by myself so I can find out if being with you is really what I want, what I need. I know I don't want a boyfriend whose own selfish desires hold me back in a career that I dream of._  
  
Then she signed her name with a flourish. No "Love', No 'Your Friend" No 'See ya later', not even a 'sincerely.'  
  
So much for getting involved. I wondered if my failing that test was one of the reasons she left me. If I had passed, would we still be together?  
  
I felt a sharp pain, then left my room and headed for the training center. I need to kill something. When I got there, Caroline was waiting. If she was waiting for me or not, it didn't matter. She was there. So I talked to her. I felt no guilt because she wasn't MY instructor any more and Quistis wasn't MY girlfriend any more. So I flirted shamelessly and let one thing lead to another.  
  
I woke up later that night with a sick feeling in my stomach. I woke Caroline up and told her to get lost, But not in as nice of words. With her gone, I was swallowed by my sadness, my emptiness. I curled into a fetal position and cried the rest of the night.  
  
The next morning I was informed that Quistis chose to take her instructors training at Galbadia Garden. She would come back next year. After forcefully extracting when she was leaving from a Trepie, I managed to catch her before she left. I brought a single red rose and my apologies.  
  
She took both and threw them in my face. I wanted to confess my undying love for her, but all that I could manage was a weak "Quistis. . ."  
  
Angrily she spun around. "NO. Don't you ever, ever call me that again. I'm Instructor Trepe now, especially to you, Seifer."  
  
Had she said that in any other voice, I would have thought she was kidding, but I could see in her eyes she was dead serious. She handed my the card key I gave her for my door, incase of 'emergencies'. Then she left without a look back.  
  
Over the next year, I drifted from girl to girl, never remembering names, forgetting dates. Calling one girl another's pet name. I didn't care. No girl was worth getting serious about. They pretend to be pretty and considerate, friendly even, but if you dare to let them into your heart, they will destroy it. Not that the girls cared either. They were just in it for my body and reputation. They expected a wild ride and a wild ride I took them on, but all in all I was careful, always protected and made sure each girl was alright.  
  
A gesture thought by many to be noble, but I was only worried about myself.  
  
I wondered sometime if I could have changed these things. If I could have prevented becoming as cruel as I was. If I had gone to Quistis that night. If I had stayed away from Caroline. But that night was good for me in a way. I came to know the difference between intoxication and the real damn thing.  
  
Had I cared, I would have met Quistis the day she came back, but I went shopping with Fujin. Not that either one of us liked shopping. I just wanted to be out of Garden and Fujin being the kind of person she is didn't ask any questions.  
  
I found a white trench coat with a blood red cross on it in a gift shop. There was only one left, it was almost like it was meant to be, so I bought it. It went well with my dreams what with the blood cross and knights. And it matched my regular outfit perfectly.  
  
Fujin went straight for the weapon shop and upgraded her shruiken with some materials I brought her from one of my 'dates'.  
  
I tried to spend as much time in Balamb as I could, but you can't shop forever. I hadn't learned the fine art of browsing. So I returned.  
  
When I saw her, I had to look away. Then was drawn back like a moth to a flame. The little girl I had dated turned into the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Gone was her blue jeans and white tank top. She was now wearing a tight pink skirt that reached mid-calf with a pink tank-thing on top that peaked open on the bottom just enough to see her navel. Her blond hair had grown and she wore it flipped up in the back.  
  
I wanted to great her, hug her, and tell her how much I missed her. But our eyes met and she glared sternly at me. I smirked at her and turned and walked away. 


	8. Little Bit of This

Chapter Eight

_You learn to give and take/Sometimes you win, sometimes you loose/You're gonna make mistakes/It takes a little bit of this with a little bit of that/A little bit of good with a little bit of bad/You know that life's a contradiction, and you can't escape the fact/You gotta take a little bit of this, with a little bit of that._  
  
Carolyn Dawn Johnson

Hell. That was one word I could use to describe my next SeeD exam. I was 17; I had failed twice already and couldn't care less. I figured I'd get thrown out of garden at 19 and become a fisherman or something. Not that I could fish any better then I could shop.  
  
Anyway, this time I was put in a group with two other guys. They were a year younger then me. Jon something and Tom something. I think those were their names. Tom was our squad leader. He used a short saber. Jon smirked when he introduced himself, twirling a pinwheel. His blue eyes dared me to mock him and his unusual choice of weapon. Hyne knows I wanted to, but I also wanted to wait until we were alone. No disruptions that way; he wouldn't be able to chicken out.  
  
Xu told us all about our mission, to help clear out the desert surrounding the Military Prison in Galbadia. Bandits hid out in sand dunes and attacked traveling Military cars for food and supplies, and to piss the Galbadian government off.  
  
We were being paid chunk change to free the area. How exciting. We weren't even supposed to fight. Just scout the area and when an enemy was sighted we were to call a SeeD team to eliminate them. What fun.  
  
It burned to be taking orders from Xu. She was one who passed the exam on that first test. The one Sam died on. She retreated at the first sign of trouble.  
  
When we reached the desert, we were given a sand buggy and were directed east. Off we went, merry as a bumble bee. Tom got to drive because he was leader. Jon kept spinning his pinwheel around and making the stupidest comments. I was in the back, spread out with Hyperion in my lap.  
  
About an hour into the mission, Jon snorted. "Can't see nothing but dang sand 'round here."  
  
I couldn't hold back my laughter. "Yeah. One usually finds sand in a desert."  
  
He smirked at me. "No ya don't. You can have an ice desert."  
  
I looked at him like he was stupid.  
  
"Wha? You can. The definition of a desert is a place. . ."  
  
"Look, moron. I don't care what the damn definition of desert is. What the hell did you expect to find here?"  
  
Tom looked back at me in the rearview mirror. "Almasy, shut up. Don't you cause any trouble. Instructor told us to keep a close eye on you."  
  
Jon snorted again, louder. "Yeah. No girl to save your ass this time, wuss." snort snort.  
  
I glared at him. "I don't know. Looks like I got a couple of girls on my team this time too."  
  
Tom pulled the buggy to a violent stop. "Ya wanna take this outside?"  
  
I sat up. "Hell yeah."  
  
"Fine." He jumped out, Jon following.  
  
I stretched, coming to my full 6'2. "Both at once or what?"  
  
Jon snorted. "Ha, you can't handle both of us. You couldn't handle a wounded T-rexaur."  
  
I nodded curtly. "Cute. Fine, I'll take you both at once."  
  
Tom pulled out his saber. "Lets get this over with; we are taking a test, after all."  
  
Tom came at me with Jon circling behind. With a single slash, I shattered Tom's blade and floored him. Facing Jon, I smiled. "Piggy still wanna play?"  
  
He ran at me, which made no since, seeing he had a long range weapon. I side stepped and KO'ed him with the barrel of my gunblade.  
  
I carefully loaded them both into the sand buggy and headed back to the base.  
  
Besides a stern lecture and a slap on the wrist, I wasn't punished. I went back to my dorm, surprised to see Rajin there. He grinned at me.  
  
"How'd it go, ya know?"  
  
I grinned. "Got stuck with two dimwits."  
  
"Fight them, ya?"  
  
"Ya kicked their asses. Of course beating up your team leader isn't exactly a plus on the test. Failed again. Put Tom and Jon on the list."  
  
Rajin laughed. "Tom and Jon?"  
  
I nodded and sat on my bed, thinking about the class I had been put in after failing the SeeD exam. Quisty's. Along with Leonhart. I was plotting an escape when Cid's voice came over the intercom.  
  
"Seifer Almasy, Please come to my office ASAP. Repeat, Seifer Almasy, Please come to my office ASAP"  
  
Rajin grinned again. "Maybe more punishment, ya know."  
  
I shook my head. "Maybe."  
  
When I got there, Cid gestured for me to sit. I didn't. He shrugged his shoulders and sat behind his desk, attempting to look regal. "Seifer I'm disappointed in you. I sent you on this mission so you could become a SeeD. You would make a great asset to SeeD. You just won't live up to your potential."  
  
About there, I tuned him out. It was always the same thing with Cid. No one ever live up to their potential. We were always slackers, always could do better. Never mind I had tried so hard and finally gave up, never mind that whenever you tried to reach his given potential, he raised the bar so you would fail miserably.  
  
When he finished, he handed me a thin packet of paper. "A man claiming to be a friend of your fathers wants you to visit him next week. After careful consideration, I have agreed to let you go. You have the next 7 days off. Your train leaves tomorrow at five am. Don't be late."  
  
I turned and left, reading the papers. Some man named Caraway wanted me to come to a party he was holding. He was hiring me. Cid was taking my vacation days to make money. I guess he couldn't send me on school time because I wasn't a SeeD. Confused on why I was going at all, I read further.  
  
Apparently, Caraway had known my father when he was alive and wanted to meet me. At the same time, he wanted my skills with a gun to protect his daughter, who would also be there. He specifically asked for me and the money he was paying Cid made my eyes widen.  
  
I packed my uniform and caught the train to Deling the next morning. From there I headed straight to Caraway's mansion. He was an elderly man with graying hair. He introduced himself as "General Caraway." So much for first named basis. I don't know what I expected from him, maybe a father figure, but I quickly found out this was a business relationship only.  
  
His daughter, Rinoa, was visiting for the first time in months and he was holding a party to celebrate. He felt that because of his status, Rinoa might be endangered.  
  
I sighed as he led me to my room. I was on my vacation and had to protect a whining baby.  
  
The room was nice though. It had a huge bed, kind of what I might expect in an expensive hotel. The sheets were silk and had pillows stacked up high. A huge painting dominated the wall opposite the bed. Underneath, on a gold plate, was the inscription Julia Heartily. Talk about your obsessions.  
  
There was a bathroom connected to the bedroom. The bathroom was bigger then my dorm back at the garden. The bathtub was separate from the shower and had a hot tub attachment. There was a mini bar fully stocked and a television and phone.  
  
I was awed and disgusted. I grew up in a world where money was scarce and this family had a big screen TV in their bathroom. In their GUEST bathroom.  
  
I took a shower, ignoring the tub, so I could prepare myself to meet Rinoa. Who knew what I'd have to put up with. Cid should count this as a SeeD exam.  
  
I carefully shook out my uniform, crumpled from the long journey. Sighing, I put on my street clothes. I knew it would be unacceptable to show up in wrinkled clothing since Caraway was in the military, but I didn't rightly care. My thoughts were else where. Being in a house, an actual house with paintings and expensive rugs and a real bed brought up strange thoughts, strange feelings. I shook them off as pre-job jitters and went to find a maid to see if I couldn't get my uniform ironed before the party.  
  
Wandering around the house, I saw pictures of Ms. Heartily on all the walls. There were pictures of her at concerts, singing in a Tavern, accepting an award, sitting in the park. I wondered why this man was obsessed with this woman. They weren't worth it.  
  
Then I saw a picture that made everything fall into place. There was a small framed picture sitting on a table. Picking it up, I could see a man and a woman on their wedding day. The woman was Julia Heartily and the man. . .  
  
"Caraway?" I whispered.  
  
I jumped as a heavy hand landed on my shoulder. "Mr. Almasy, are you lost?"  
  
Turning around I found myself face to face with a maid. I shook my head nervously, wondering how she knew my name. "No, ma'am. I was looking for an iron." To prove my point, I held up my crumpled uniform.  
  
She grinned at me and took it. "Here sir, let me take that. I'll get it back to ya soon. You go back to your room an' stop your snooping, sir. The mistress would kill us all if she saw you touchin' that there picture."  
  
I gently placed it down and looked back at the maid. "Actually, I am a little lost . . ." My voice hung at the end, asking her name.  
  
She giggled. "Well if ya ain't the proper gentleman. I'm Yetta. Pleased to meet you, sir."  
  
I bowed gratefully and kissed her hand. "The pleasure is all mine, madam. Lead the way."  
  
Her hand fluttered up to her chest. "Oh, my goodness gracious. If ya ain't just a tease."  
  
I smiled. No need on spending the night alone, even here in the big city. Might as well have an outlet for after the party. No need to tell Yetta that though.  
  
Strangely, I felt no guilt in making Yetta feel like she was seducing me. I was glad she was attracted to me because that made it easier to take her. When she brought me my ironed suit, I winked broadly at her.  
  
"Thank you, miss. Maybe I'll see you around latter, after the party." My husky tone suggested just what for.  
  
She decided to play the tease and straightened her dress. "Now, I don't know about that, Mr. Almasy. I might happen to be busy.  
  
Her cleavage threatened to fall over the top of her dress. She knew this and leaned forward a bit, to give me a better view.  
  
Becoming tired of the game, I tweaked her nose. "Whatever you say, kiddo." And shut the door in her face. I knew my actions confused her, but I didn't care. She was complicated. I wanted my one night stands to actually be one night stands. I didn't want some whiny brat I once slept with follow me half way around the world complaining I never call her. Yetta seemed the whiny type, the type that would expect commitment.  
  
Reluctantly, I went to the ball room. Looking around, I saw just what one would expect at a political dinner. Stuffed shirts were standing everywhere drinking wine that costs more than my new suit. They talked about the most boring things, too. About President Deling, Timber, the People United movement in the slums of Deling, and other crap.  
  
I tried to find my client's daughter, but didn't see a young lady about my age anywhere in the room. Frowning in frustration, I concluded that she must be one of the two overweight women standing by the buffet. Slowly and inconspicuously, I approached them.  
  
They were talking about Behemoths of all things and how closely they resembled one. I was about to tap one of them on the shoulder, when someone bumped into me from behind.  
  
"Why don't cha watch where your going, punk," slurred a voice from the floor.  
  
"Shit, Derik. You're wasted. Why don't we go home?" His companion pleaded.  
  
Derik shook his head. "Nuhu, Eddy, gotta wait for the woman." He slurred, stressing the 'wo' in woman.  
  
Eddy shook his head. "Sorry. My friend had a little too much to drink tonight."  
  
Derik grinned. "L-i-a-r! Wha's your name.? He asked, pointing at me.  
  
"Seifer."  
  
"Hell, I know you! You're that guy who failed the SeeD test, like, eighty times!"  
  
I glared and turned around to address the 'behemoths' at the buffet table, only to find them missing. I quickly scanned the room, not seeing any lady under the age of fifty. Cursing I sauntered off to find a drink for myself, watching for the behemoths and/or another girl who fitted Rinoa's description.  
  
I was starting on my forth drink when I noticed a 'scene' near the doorway leading into the kitchen  
  
A young lady came out of a room at the top of the staircase. She walked quickly toward the front door, but never made it that far. Derik stepped out in front of her and she tripped over his boot and landed on her ass, her dress coming up over her thighs.  
  
"Hey sexy, I can think if several things you could do down there.?" Derik drawled. He leaned down to help her up.  
  
Eddy whistled as the lady was struggling to get up by her self. Derik lifted her up and helped her gain her balance.  
  
She muttered 'thank you' and went to leave, but Derik had not let go of her arm.  
  
"Not so fast, sweetheart. Where do you think you're going?"  
  
She stared at him indignantly. "Do you know who I am???"  
  
He loosened his grip slightly and grinned. Looking back at his friend he smirked. "Watch out the tiger has claws." Then he looked back at her, his grin drooping. "More like the pussy cat. Yeah. I know who you are. You're Caraway's brat."  
  
She continued to glare at him.  
  
"Come on stuck up. Let's dance." He tried to pull her out into the dance floor, but she refused.  
  
"No" She growled.  
  
"What's the matter angle got your wings clipped?"  
  
"Stop. Let me go." She said weakly.  
  
This apparently made him mad. "Listen to me bitch! You are going to dance with me and you are going to like it." He raised his hand to hit her. By now tears were running down her face.  
  
Thinking it time to rescue my client, I walked up to Derik and put my hand on his shoulder.  
  
He cursed. "Damn you Seifer, why can't you mind your own business?"  
  
I grinned at him. "It's just a nasty little habit I have."  
  
"Hyne! Think you of all people wouldn't step on a man when he's with a lady." He gestured to a weeping Rinoa.  
  
I cocked my head to one side. "You're here on SeeD business. What do you think Cid would say if I told him he paid you to get drunk and harass my client?"  
  
Eddy grabbed Derik's arm. "He's right, Derik. Let's go back to the hotel."  
  
I turned to Rinoa and introduced myself. She didn't giggle like Yetta when I kissed her hand. She just stood there.  
  
Even though I knew her name, I asked it for the sake of conversation. She barley looked at me. "Rinoa."  
  
"Oh." I wanted to go back to the buffet and drink or something, but didn't want to leave her alone again. With my luck, someone would assassinate her and I would be the one to blame. Not many people seemed to like her.  
  
About midway through the party, in which Rinoa did not move, Caraway joined us.  
  
"My dear," He nodded to his daughter, "I see you've already met Mr. Almasy. While you're in Deling, I want him to keep a very close eye on you. You aren't to go anywhere, do any thing without him knowing and following."  
  
Rinoa glared at Caraway, her fists clenching behind her back. "Why?"  
  
He smiled. "Because, Rinoa dear, there are people who do not agree with my methods and could see you as a way to get to me. I don't want anything bad to happen to you."  
  
Then he walked away without letting her answer. Rinoa turned to me. "Ok. You'll be following me. But you must always stay out of sight. Don't talk to anyone; don't tell anyone anything you hear. Understood?"  
  
"Perfectly." I mumbled through my gritted teeth.  
  
I was using up seven of my vacation days on a mission that I wasn't being paid for. Baby-sitting for a woman who would most likely go on a shopping spree tomorrow. What great fun.  
  
When she went to bed that night, I stood guard at her door. With my eyes slightly open, I could hear anyone approaching from four doors down. Fun little trick I learned from being on the Disciplinary Committee. Nothing gave me a bigger thrill then some student sneaking past me after curfew, thinking I was asleep. Then catching them just as they were about to cross the thresh hold of safety into a friend's dorm.  
  
My peacefulness was interrupted at about midnight by a piercing scream coming from Rinoa's room. As quickly as I could, I ran into her room, Hyperion drawn. Nobody was there except a very nervous Rinoa, sitting up in bed, crying.  
  
Sighing, I sheathed Hyperion and walked over to her. Not saying anything I knelt next to her bed.  
  
Without actually acknowledging my presence, Rinoa began to talk.  
  
"When I was four," She began, taking deep breaths, "My mother became seriously depressed. She became unusually quiet, no loner playing the piano or singing. Whenever I came home from daycare, she would be asleep on the sofa, barely breathing. I would shake her, but she wouldn't wake. Nina, my mother's best friend would just send me to my room and tell me to stay there."  
  
"One day, I was sent home early because of a war drill. Nina was at work and didn't know about the drill. When I got home, Mother was laying on the floor with white powder sprinkled on the table. I sat in the floor and studied both of them, wondering what it all meant. When Nina came to check on Mother, she was extremely upset to find me in there. She immediately picked up my mother and cleaned up the 'powdered sugar', ignoring all my questions."  
  
"That night, Mother didn't come down for dinner. I got to sit at the formal dinning table all by myself, which was a big thing for a four year old. I didn't think anything about my mom or what was happing to her. Nina had stayed to talk to Caraway. I could hear them through the kitchen door."  
  
"Nina was upset about Mother doing drugs in the house and me seeing her passed out everyday. Then she told him about me coming home by myself.  
  
'She could have tasted the drugs!' she yelled. Caraway muttered something I couldn't hear, which made Nina furious."  
  
"'How the hell do you expect a four year old to understand that?' she screamed at him before storming out the front door."  
  
Rinoa took a deep breath and gazed out her window, not moving from her spot on the bed. "And I wasn't afraid." tears streamed down her face. "I wasn't afraid."  
  
She abruptly stood up. "Caraway had a talk with me that night. He told me that Mommy would be Ok, that he was gonna get her some help. I couldn't understand why she needed it, but just nodded as I tried to spear peas on the tongs of my fork."  
  
"The next day I didn't have to go to daycare. Caraway was taking a few days off to spend with me and Mother. He thought that his presence would drag her out of depression."  
  
"Instead, it drove her deeper. She stopped snorting 'powdered sugar', but began wearing long sleeves. I thought this was wired, it being July in Deling. I caught Mother in her room with a kitchen knife one day, but she made me promise not to tell anyone. I didn't."  
  
"Mother ended up in the hospital one day because she hurt herself badly. At least that's what Caraway told me. He said she would be alright."  
  
Rinoa started to laugh hysterically, which startled me. She rocked back and forth, giggling crazily. Carefully, I stood up and put my arms around her, trying to stop her from moving.  
  
Rinoa pushed me away angrily.  
  
"She was mentally unstable. No one would come right out and say it, but I knew. I knew my mother was going insane and told all my friends. They laughed at me. They called me names and seemed to enjoy making me cry. Then I would go home to my crazy mother. One day, when I was almost five, I came home and the house was quiet. I had gotten used to no sounds, but this was different. I couldn't hear the clock ticking in the living room; I couldn't hear my mother moving around. There was an absolute silence. Like a grave. I felt drawn to the mud room, which I had never been in before. There was Mother, lying on the floor.  
  
I looked around for the white powder I remembered from a few months back, but saw none. I looked for a knife, but didn't see one of those either. I ran to the phone and called 911, just like Caraway always told me to do in an emergency."  
  
"They came and took Mother away in their big white truck and called Caraway. He dropped me off at Nina's house and left for the hospital. I spent the rest of the night coloring 'Get Well Soon' cards for Mother. Caraway came to pick me up the next morning. He told Nina that Mother was dead."  
  
Rinoa began to giggle again. I looked at her, alarmed. She shook her head gently. "I knew what dead was, but I always thought the dead came back. I turned to Caraway and said 'Darn. I made the wrong sort of cards. I should have made 'Come Home Soon' cards instead."  
  
"Caraway began to cry. Nina told me that Mom was 'dead' and that she was going to stay 'dead' forever. She was in heaven with Hyne." Rinoa sat back down on her bed. She looked up at me with a tear stained face.  
  
"Sometimes I dream about her. I know now that she was suicidal those last two years. Critics were real hard on her because she was aging. They called her a fraud. Then they had a field day with her drug addictions and suicide attempts. She broke under the pressure. To make sure she did it right, Mom took a full bottle of cold medicine and cut her wrists. I couldn't see the knife or the blood, because I was in shock. The medicine made her blood flow faster and she died of blood loss. She died slowly and painfully."  
  
"To cover for the scandal, Caraway told every one that Mom died in a car accident. He even managed to stage an actual accident. He used his 'military' connections. We had a closed casket funeral so no one would see her face, or her sliced arms."  
  
She began to sob again and I didn't know what else to do but hold her tightly.  
  
I knew what it was like to see a member of your family die. How devastating it could be. I knew that she blamed herself. Even though I had been through the same experiences as her, I could not bring myself to voice one bit of advice.


	9. Better Days

Chapter 9

_Better days are comin' around/I know you feel like the whole world's gone/and let you down but/Better days they're comin' for you/I know they will/'Cause I'll be right here/makin' sure they do_

Faith Hill  
  
Early the next morning, I woke up with Rinoa's arms wrapped tightly around my waist and her chin resting on my chest. Bright sunlight streamed through the opened window, casting shadows on her face. The quiet of the morning and the close proximity of Rinoa made me yearn for fresh air.  
  
Carefully, I untangled myself from Rinoa's embrace and got out of her bed, trying not to wake my client up. I crept over to the door and pushed it open, praying it wouldn't squeak. However, Murphy's Laws were obeyed and the pleasant silence was broken.  
  
Rinoa pushed herself up on one elbow and looked at me through squinted eyes. "Seifer? Where are you going?"  
  
I sighed and shut the door quietly. "I wanted to get back to my post. I felt . . . awkward."  
  
She frowned and pulled herself into a sitting position. "'Bout what?"  
  
I shook my head. "Just stuff, ya know.?"

She ran her hand through her tousled hair and continued to stare at me. "Sure. Whatever."

Rinoa sung her legs over the side of her bed and straightened her shirt. "I know how you feel, Seifer. I am the daughter of a general. You aren't the first body guard I've had."

Grimacing, I held back a biting comment. I should have left earlier, or not have stayed at all. I had better things to do than listen to her whine.

"But, whatever." Rinoa shrugged and stood up. "I'm sorry anyways, for last night. I'm sure you don't want to hear anything else out of me." She glanced at me sideways. "Why are you still here?"

I smirked and picked hyperion up from the floor. "I suppose I'm dismissed, your majesty?"

She glared and pulled her shirt over her head. "Yes, you are. Unless, of course, you would rather stay?"

_Hyne, she's toying with me._

She tossed her shirt to the side and walked over to her dresser. I couldn't tell if she was trying to mess with my head, or was actually offering. My plans last night had been ruined, but who was to say I couldn't make up for . . . _NO!_

Irritated, I turned and turned the doorknob. She was a spoiled brat, and she expected to get what she wanted. Before I could walk out the door, I was stopped by a hand on my shoulder. "You don't have to leave."

I didn't turn around since I knew what I'd see. I took a deep breath and urged my primitive instincts to hold fire. "Rinoa, I shouldn't be here in the first place. I'm going to check the security out on the grounds.

Rinoa sighed and walked over to her dresser, pulled on a new, unwrinkled shirt. Hearing her rustle around, I finally turned to look at her. "What do you want from me?"

She wrinkled her nose and crossed the room. "Freedom. You can give me freedom. I've always dreamed about becoming my own person, about doing what I want to, like you."  
  
I shrugged my shoulders. "Then why don't you? From what I've seen, you get away with a lot."  
  
She rolled her eyes. "Right. I get to decide whether or not I wear the two thousand gil dress, or the fifteen hundred dress. Then if I spill something on it, I can use Daddy's money to buy a new one." She shook her head and pulled her ebony hair up into a messy ponytail.

"I want to go out on the town in a fifteen gil mini dress and drink beer instead of white wine. I want to fall asleep at a guy's house, then have to sneak back in." She took a deep breath. "I want to fight in the war against Dollet, I want to know what it's like to be loved unconditionally."  
  
Opening the door again, I turned my back to her. "The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up."

I spent most of the morning wandering outside the Caraway mansion, pretending to be checking security. My job didn't entail staying within whistling reach of the princess. I was actually surprised by the number of military forces the general had stashed in his back yard. No one could possibly break in.

Growing bored of watching the guard dogs doing their business, I showed my pass to the guard at the gate and made my way across the street, towards the Deling Gardens. Gratefully, I sank down into one of the dark green benches and began to think.  
  
My demons had been unusually quiet for the last few weeks and I wanted to know why. They didn't send out warnings when I took Caraway's job, nor did they protest when I spent the night with Rinoa. Maybe I was finally doing something right in my life. Maybe this was my calling.

_Body guarding?_

I could just imagine the reactions of Fujin and Rajin. Me thinking of anyone but myself. Right. Unconsciously, my thoughts drifted to Quistis. What was she doing right this minute? Most likely grading papers. Being all work oriented and shit.  
  
After a while, my mind cleared and I began to concentrate on small details like how the morning dew clung slightly to the tips of flower pedals and the sweet melody of a bright red bird in a nearby tree. Looking closer, I spotted there was a squirrel playing tag in the garden behind me and a rabbit frolicking further down the path.  
  
My silence was broken by a soft voice whispering in my ear. Slowly I looked around, not seeing anybody, but the voice kept whispering. After a while, its tone became harsher, no longer soothing, but threatening. Laughing at me. I clutched my head, willing the voices to stop, but they continued louder and fiercer then before. Slowly I sank to the ground.  
  
_My dear knight, you will serve me forever and for always. That from which I draw my power. He who will protect my at all costs, even if innocent die. A life of servitude to the most powerful person who ever lived will earn you eternal bliss and a strength you couldn't imagine._  
  
Flash to a flower field.  
  
_Had you come to find me, you would perish. I come to you as your savior, rescuing your damned soul. Your damaged soul shall be mine to take as I will, mine to rule. Your mind is weak and your heart is broken, but I shall make it whole once again. Young knight, let me into your mind, into your heart. Open up to me and let me see you as you are. Do not hide from me, young one. I can see through your thin transparent shield you have constructed._  
  
_My strength is yours. Your strength is mine. Our weaknesses make us stronger. A love of power dominates you and will consume you. My love can negate that effect.  
  
_Flash to a dark mountain with lightning streaking across the sky.  
  
_Your love for me could be my savior and help me achieve my goal.  
_  
Flash to a desert located in its own dimension.  
  
_For so many years, you have been alone. I can be your rock, and you my support.  
_  
Flash to a military prison.  
  
_So help me dear knight, help me help you  
_  
Flash to a parade, dancers celebrating a grand event.  
  
_Greatness comes to those who wait for it, and you my boy, have waited long enough for greatness.  
_  
Final flash as the face of a great warrior formed from steam.  
  
_It is what he would want.  
_  
Dad?

Rinoa came to find me later that day. I was still sprawled out on the garden floor, not wanting to move. I remembered promising her I wouldn't leave her alone with her father for long, but now it was late afternoon.  
  
"Seifer, where were you?" She exclaimed, hands on her hips.  
  
I smiled at her and patted the ground next to me. "Hey, what's up?"  
  
She looked down on me, shock evident on her face. "Seifer, what's wrong?"  
  
I grinned again and grabbed her knees, bringing her down to the ground softly, catching her weight with my arms.  
  
"Nothings wrong. I'm just lying here thinking of you."  
  
She rolled over onto her stomach and shyly giggled. "You are such a dork. Really, what were you thinking about?"  
  
I looked up into the sky, thinking about the voice and what it had said to me.  
  
"Rinoa, have you ever had a, I don't know, out of body experience?"  
  
Rinoa smiled softly. "Yeah, Seifer. I have them all the time."  
  
I rolled onto my side so I could see her face. "No, Rin, I'm for real. Like a sorceress taking you places."  
  
"Seifer, hearing voices isn't a good thing. Not even in Deling."  
  
I sighed. She rolled over onto her back. "I see a bunny rabbit. Do you see it Seifer?"  
  
"Rinoa, what the hell are you talking about. Rabbits don't live in the sky."  
  
"Seifer you are a dork. I meant that that cloud looks like a rabbit. Do you see it now? Right over there."  
  
She leaned over me and pointed to a big white cloud directly above us. I saw it and boldly grabbed her wrist, pulling it down toward my chest.  
  
"Rinoa, why are you still here?"  
  
She didn't say anything for a while, but didn't remove her hand from my grasp.  
  
"I don't have anywhere to go. Just because I get away with things doesn't mean I have a plan. I can't do it by myself."  
  
I tightened my grip on her hand. "Rin, you can do it. You have dreams. Everyone does. I want to help you make those dreams into realities. I know that we can do it together."  
  
I could feel Rinoa smile. "Yeah. Maybe we can. I have to take you to meet Zone and Watts then."  
  
"Zone and Watts?"  
  
"They run a resistance movement in Timber. After you left this morning, I thought about it and figured that this is what I want to do. Help the minorities fight against oppressors like Caraway and Deling."  
  
I was puzzled. "If you have them, why didn't you do something before now?"  
  
"Because. They never gave me a reason to. They both saw their parents killed before their own eyes. They have a reason to hate Deling and its president. I didn't want to intrude on personal matters. I was afraid I might make things worse."  
  
I smiled. "So you want me to make everything alright and convince them that you won't screw anything up? How am I supposed to do this and keep my job? I'm here on official Garden business. Caraway hired me to keep you safe."  
  
"Well," She pondered. "I'm going to Timber to get away from all the political hustle and bustle. If Caraway expects an assassination attempt on my life, I would be safer as I got further away from Deling. And since Timber is under Galbadian control, he shouldn't have any problems with me going there for vacation."  
  
I rolled my eyes. "Is Caraway that gullible? Will he actually believe that you want to obey him and his commands?"  
  
She giggled. "That's what's so great about this plan. Caraway has forbidden me to take part in his political business. So if I was to disappear from sight, he wouldn't have to plan his day around me. He will be so wrapped up in revising his schedule; he won't even notice anything strange about my compliance. That's the only upside to having a father like him."  
  
I stood up and held my hands out for Rinoa. "We better get back to the house. He might suspect foul play on my part and the whole thing will be off."  
  
She grabbed my hands and hoisted herself off the ground. "Yeah. And later tonight you gotta take me out to pick my weapon, the red mini dress, and a beer."  
  
The last part took me by surprise. "Your weapon? You want a weapon?"  
  
"Well, yeah. How am I supposed to take place in a renaissance movement if I can't fight?"  
I shook my head. "It takes years to learn how to wield a weapon properly. How do you expect to do so in a matter hours?"  
  
She pranced down the path toward her father's house. "I'm a fast learner and I have a SeeD for a teacher."  
  
I groaned as I followed her. "I'm not a SeeD." I called out after her. "And I have no patience for screw ups."  
  
She stopped momentarily to glare at me before she continued to strut up the steps of her mansion.  
  
"Hyne, what have I gotten myself into?"

Meeting with Caraway to propose Rinoa's idea went smoother then I could have hoped for. He didn't seem to mind sending his daughter off to the middle of a war zone in the care of a failure SeeD. He applauded her attempt to strike out on her own and gave her a generous credit supply.  
  
When Rinoa went upstairs to pack, Caraway grinned at me. "You don't know what you've got yourself into. My daughter has a mind of her own and doesn't respond well to male dominance if you know what I mean." He winked at me and then looked thoughtful. "This could be a tactical political move as well. 'The great general of Deling, General Caraway, sends his beautiful daughter to the distraught nation of Timber. He wishes to strengthen the bonds between President Deling and the little people.'" He grinned at himself in the mirror across the room, smoothing his mustache.  
  
I didn't comment on his stupid advertisement. He rambled on for a while, talking about Deling and other political crap I could car less about. He was basically a re-run from the party the night before.  
  
Finally he came to the father part I had been expecting. The whole 'don't make any moves on my daughter or I will disable you from every having that pleasure again. Then I'll kill your dog.'  
  
Who knows where he came up with that shit, but I swore to him that absolutely nothing would happen between me and Rinoa. I was afraid to say anything else to him. He reminded me too much of someone who had left his mark on me so long ago.  
  
Rinoa came downstairs moments latter, finding me and Caraway in the middle of a staring contest. I think he was beginning to have second thoughts about sending me with his beautiful daughter.  
  
As he opened his mouth to speak, Rinoa interrupted him, "Daddy! I'm so happy you agreed to let me go on this trip. I love you so much!"  
  
Alarmed, I looked at her. She briefly rolled her eyes before she bounced up to hug him.  
  
Any complaints he might have voiced disappeared and he seemed almost happy for a minute. Then he sat up and began lecturing her.

"Rinoa, you know not to do anything that might embarrass me, right sweetie? Timber is a tough town and I want you to stay near Seifer at all times. He can protect you. Don't tell anyone your name. There are people who won't look too kindly on you because of your connection with me. Watch your back and don't be too friendly."  
  
Rinoa glared at Caraway. "And don't take candy from strangers, and don't accept rides from people I don't know. I'm not a two year old, Caraway. I can take care of myself."  
  
Caraway stood up to return his daughter's embrace "I know Rinoa. You aren't a little girl. I just can't help but be concerned about you. You are all I have left. I just want you to be safe."  
  
Rinoa picked up her bag and gestured to me. "Ok. I will be careful and not get killed." Then she winked at me. "I'm only going on a vacation after all."  
  
I stood and left the room, Rinoa followed me out. When we reached the street in front of her house, she began to laugh. "Can you believe him? I didn't actually think he'd get all sentimental and crap. He almost looked like he was going to miss me."  
  
We stood still for a moment, waiting for the bus that would take us to the shopping center.  
  
"Maybe he will miss you, Rinoa."  
  
"Him? No way. He really couldn't wait for me to leave. All we ever do is fight. I know that neither one of us will miss it. We both will get some peace. Who knows, maybe after you leave, I'll stay in Timber."  
  
I shook my head as the bus pulled into view. She grinned as she held out her bag for me to take. "You carry."  
  
I glared at her and walked by to get on the bus, ignoring her bag. She sighed and got on after me.  
  
When we got to the shopping center, Rinoa walked quickly to the weapon shop. I had to jog to catch up with her. She turned to me and asked for my opinion on a sharp sword before I was even halfway there. The blade was beautiful, something storybook knights would use, but when Rinoa tried to lift it, the tip pointed downward and embedded itself in the side of the stand.  
  
Lifting the sword up and placing it back on the shelf, I searched for a suitable weapon for her. "Why don't you get something. . .?" I thought of what Quistis might suggest for her body build. "Something light. Like a whip."  
  
She looked strangely at me. "You aren't hitting on me, are you Seifer?"  
  
I glared evilly at her. "No. I'm not. If I were, I would have suggested whipped cream. A girl I know has a build like yours and she uses the whip. I told you I'm not a teacher. You're gonna have to figure it out your self." I turned to leave.  
  
She caught my arm and pulled me back. "No. I want your help. I was just messing with you. A whip, huh." She turned to the shop keeper. "Do you have any whips?"  
  
He smiled widely. "Yes, miss. We have something you would love."  
  
He walked behind a shelf and came back with what looked like a blood red snake, tightly curled around his fist. "This, this is my prized creation. I had to work on this one for days. A woman came in last week and thanked me profusely for making such a great weapon. It's made of the finest materials. Ochu tentacles though, couldn't get any Marlboro. I bet you will love it."  
  
Rinoa looked at me for approval, so I nodded encouragingly. She looked at the man and took the weapon, holding the handle tightly in her fist. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.  
  
"Rinoa," I began, attempting to tell her what to do.  
  
She let out an ear piercing shriek and started waving her arms around like a crazy woman.  
  
I ducked quickly as the snake lashed out toward me. The shop keeper wasn't as lucky and was rewarded with a nice slash across his eye. I grabbed Rinoa's hand before she could hurt anyone else. "Hey, why don't we try something else? What do you say?"  
  
"I'd say I was enjoying myself. Why can't I have that one?"  
  
I looked at her, trying to decide if she was serious. She was. "Rinoa, this weapon is very difficult to manage. I don't think I could help you. Let's try something a little simpler." I turned to the shop keeper. "Do you have anything shorter, something that won't be too dangerous for her?"  
  
The shop keeper, being somewhat less enthusiastic went back to the storeroom.  
  
I glanced over my shoulder at Rinoa, who was fooling around with a display of gun shot. "Are you sure you want a weapon? You could be one of those information people. The ones that don't fight."  
  
She dropped the dark ammo and looked down at her feet. "You really don't think I can do it? You don't think I can fight?"  
  
I crossed the room and brought her chin up to look into her chocolate brown eyes. They were slowly filling up with tears.  
  
"Rinoa. I just don't think I can do it. I don't think I can teach you how to fight. Even if I could, I don't want to be the one who forces you to give up your innocence."  
  
She smiled at me. "Seifer. I want you to teach me. I want you to take my innocence."  
  
I looked up at her in surprise. She parted her lips slightly and leaned toward me. I closed my eyes and gently kissed her. She reached out for me as the shop keeper came out of the storage room.

"I think we found the perfect weapon for the little miss."

Rinoa quickly stood straight, with her face flushed. She grabbed the weapon from the man and strapped it onto her arm. She did this so quickly, I couldn't see the weapon.  
  
She turned around and aimed a round disk over my head. She pulled a trigger and the disk spun out of its holder and with a low hiss, landed in the wooden sign behind me.  
  
She giggled and jumped up and down. "I did it Seifer! I did it!"  
  
I smiled at her and cleared my throat. "Yeah, you did. Is this the one?"  
  
"Yup. I think it is." She turned to the shop keeper who had ducked under his counter when Rinoa strapped on the weapon. "What is it called?"  
  
He straightened up some materials he had knocked over in his frantic escape. "That one, my dear lady, is a Cardinal. It is my favorite of all the petite weapons. Its magnificent figure is perfect for any woman's style. The retrievable disks can be bought at 6o gil each." The shopkeeper rubbed the welt from the whip over his eye and pointed to a little latch on the side of the gray weapon. "It has a safety here, so you won't hurt anybody. . . unless you mean it."  
  
I rolled my eyes. "So, what is this Cardinal going to cost me?"  
  
The shop keeper kept talking, pretending he hadn't heard my question. "The strap comes in three different type of leather on this particular weapon. When you upgrade it, the choices become more varied, but that also means more expensive. If you purchase the wonderful Cardinal today, I will give you 10 custom crafted disks for free. In addition I will give you a cleaning kit AND a 10 percent discount on your next upgrade."  
  
Rinoa giggled. "Ok, ok. I'll take it." She pulled out her credit card. "How much?"  
  
The shop keeper grinned. "Two thousand gil."  
  
She handed him her card and waited while it processed. I poked her in the back and stood close behind her, whispering in her ear. "You should have bartered with him. We didn't get anything for free. He made up for the gifts with extra stuck on the price. What happens when you want to get an upgrade in Timber? Then we can't use the discount, and you pissed away a thousand gil."  
  
She leaned back into me. "You worry too much. This is Caraways credit card. He pays the bills. I want to splurge. Besides, I spent double that on a dress for the party last night."  
  
She smiled brightly and thanked the shop keeper when he handed her the receipt. She took the Cardinal and strapped it to her wrist. With an energetic little hop, she faced me and said, "Now to the next one."  
  
I gazed at her, puzzled. "Next one?"

"Yup! We are in the shopping capital of Galbadia! I have my dad's credit card. And I'm about to go out in the middle of nowhere. This will be my last real shopping trip for a long time. Now let's get a move on before it gets too dark. You owe me a drink."  
  
Slowly I followed her though her favorite shopping route. Since I didn't particularly need a new dress, I was assigned the job of "bag carrier". And since she bought something from every store we went to, I was kept busy. After the 3rd store, my eyes glazed over and I literally stopped thinking.  
  
When we finally made it to the train, we only had twenty minutes before it was scheduled to arrive. Rinoa, despite our immense shopping trip, still had a cheery disposition and way too much energy. I exhaled as I plopped unceremoniously on a bench, grateful that Rinoa had forgotten about the bar.  
  
"Seifer," she asked as she sat down next to me, "why did you. . ."

I closed my eyes and willed the pain to drain from my limbs. "What?"  
  
She rested her chin on my shoulder. "Why did you kiss me?"  
  
"No. you kissed me. I did nothing." I opened my eyes so I could wink at her.  
  
She sat up and straddled the bench. "Well, would you every think about kissing me again? Or for the first time, since I initiated the other one."  
  
"Maybe."  
  
Rinoa looked into my eyes and as I leaned closer, I was unable to stop a shiver from creeping up my spine.  
  
_For so many years, you have been alone. I can be your rock, and you my support  
_  
"Rinoa, do you ever feel alone?"  
  
Pulling back from me, Rinoa frowned. "What?"  
  
_Young knight, let me into your mind, into your heart.  
_  
"Have you ever dedicated yourself to someone so completely and then screw up and feel completely alone. So alone that you're afraid to get involved again for fear that you might be left?"  
  
"Seifer, we have all been hurt before. There isn't one person out there doesn't eventually lose a piece of their heart to someone. The thing that makes us whole, the thing that heals us, is when we let someone see us for who we are again. When we let someone accept us."  
  
_Seifer, if I leave, he will have nothing left. I'm all he has. We are.  
_  
"What happens when we don't have anyone left? What happens when you don't have a heart left to let people in to? What happens when all my strength leaves me?"  
  
Rinoa wrapped her arms around me. "Seifer, I care about you. You will always have me to draw your strength from."  
  
_My dear knight, you will serve me forever and for always. That from which I draw my power.  
_  
"I know. Thank you Rinoa."  
  
"11:30 train leaving for Timber, now boarding. Repeat: 11:30 train  
leaving for Timber, now boarding."  
  
Rinoa and I loaded up her bags and ran to catch our train.

Since it was so late, neither one of us talked much on the ride to Timber. We took our seats and slept all the way to our stop.  
  
Well, Rinoa slept, I dreamed.  
  
_And as the blood falls from the sky like rain, we will dance and rejoice  
over the bodies of our fallen enemies. Hell will be a release from our  
reign.   
  
Diablos will be our ally as we help him build his underground   
empire. With hearts of rage we will rule. Our will will take over those  
who are weaker and those who oppose us.  
As blood falls from the sky like rain, I will name thee my knight and  
give thee your duties. Had I lived in your time, we would be lovers and  
I would junction myself to you.  
  
But as I am trapped here, I must find another way to get to you. To get  
to my goal that you must help me achieve.  
  
Wills as strong as ours shouldn?t be imprisoned in time. We should be  
free to roam and free to rule.  
  
Our time will come when you will give your life for mine. The time will  
come when blood falls from the sky like rain and we dance over the  
bodies of our fallen enemies._

__

When we got to Timber, Rinoa gently shook me awake. I stood and stretched, my arms reaching the ceiling.  
  
"So, where are we going?"  
  
Rinoa reached up to grab her bags. "We are going to the Forest Fox headquarters. Zone and Watts are supposed to meet us there. I called them before we left."  
  
I nodded my head and helped her get her bags.  
  
"So, do SeeD's carry luggage?"  
  
I glared at her. "For the last time, I am not a SeeD. I never passed the  
test."  
  
Rinoa was quiet for a moment. "Yeah?" She asked. "Well, I think you would make the best SeeD of them all. You are a lot better then that Derik guy. He was a SeeD, wasn't he?"  
  
I glared at her again. "Yeah. He was. Which makes it worse for me. A guy like him gets in on the first try and I can't make it in after several tries."  
  
Rinoa held the door open for me. "Well, we're in Timber now. An entirely new place where no one knows you."  
  
Grasping my arm, Rinoa pulled me out the door.


End file.
